Was your Shakespeare fave a f*ckboi or softboi?

Many have asked the question but have been too afraid to answer it. Today I present an in-depth analysis conducted with the aid of Libby as to whether your favourite Shakespearean characters are a true fuckboi or just a mere softboi.


Despite being a twat to Ophelia he cried a lot and had a serious oedipus complex thus making him ultimately a softboi. Plus that monologue belongs on beam me up softboi.

Claudius: Fuckboi
Literally killed a man, became someone’s step dad probably for some weird kink reasons. also literally killed a man. That’s serious fuckboiery.

Horatio: Softboi
Horatio was the peak soft boy in this play mostly due to the whole being dead part. so soft

Polonius: Soft Fuckboi
Ultimate Shakespearean daddy vibes but somehow is always wrong. He’s soft but still a daddy.


To clarify he’s actually a simp for Lady Macbeth because he would literally do anything for her but again the whole killing people thing is very fuckboi.

Banquoi: Softboi
He’s just a nice lad it’s a shame he got killed.

Macduff: Fuckboi
Macduff definitely has the vibes of someone who would just never let you forget that not only was he untimely ripped from his mothers womb but that he saved Scotland from Macbeth (like he’s some sort of hero). 

The entire moving forest: Fuckbois
It’s been several year’s since I’ve studied this play but I feel like the forest just shows up then DISAPPEARS like a bunch of ghosting fuckbois.


Peak softboi because he loves his wife just a little too much but in a soft way.

Iago: Fuckboi
There’s no valid reason for him to hate Othello the way he do and yet he made Othello believe his wife did the bad thing. Why? Jealousy? so he can bone Othello’s wife? That’s some fuckboiery

Rodrigo: Fuckboi
ago’s accomplice,  say no more.

Cassio: Softboi
He’s just an innocent bystander in all of this but a soft one nonetheless. The Rodrigo killing thing was just a misunderstanding

Romeo and Juliet

At first I thought he was a softboi due to the whole simping for Juliet but he literally ENDED his own planned marriage cause he just wasn’t vibing? As if that isn’t some red hot tabasco sauce fuckboi bullshit.

Mercutio: Softboi
Honestly I just vibe real hard with Mercutio and respect him for calling Romeo out on his bullshit but also staying truly bipartisan to the end where he curses everyone. Real soft moves.

Tybalt: Fuckboi
You just know from the text that Tybalt is a hottie but he also knows he’s a hottie. But also he’s weirdly overprotective of Juliet for a cousin? Like you know there’s some weird first cousin shit going down in the Capulet family.

Friar Lawrence: Fuckboi
Hear me out, yes I get as a Friar he’s probably never had anyone touch his dingaling but you cannot convince me he wasn’t jacking it off to Romeo and Juliet’s secret relationship like hell yeah I did that. Also the way he continually encouraged Romeo’s bullshit has massive fuckboi vibes.

Twelfth Night

(This is actually based on She’s the Man I never studied this play except for my skim through Sparksnotes)

Orsino: Softboi
He think’s he’s a fuckboi but just has no luck with the ladies. Girl’s pine over him and yet he has none?

Mavolio: Softboi
The fool simps hard for Olivia? I think? He shouldn’t though.

Sebastian: Fuckboi
But he’s accidentally a fuckboi. He’s probably harmless but as soon as Olivia starts giving him attention he is true fuck.

Liana doesn’t do much lately

In case you’ve been living under a rock (which would probably be smart right now) you may have heard there was a pandemic.

The last pandemic I remember in high school when we had classes in the computer labs and I was much more interested in infecting Greenland and Madagascar with some dumb virus I’ve just made up on a flash game and hoping the teacher wouldn’t walk past because I certainly was not paying attention.

Pandemic 2
Pandemic 2: More fun than maths class.

And so begins the New World Order where eventually we check into our telescreens each morning and the security cameras on drones flying around scan our faces to ensure we are meant to be outside when we are. But perhaps I am getting ahead of myself.

Is it worth it?

Living alone means I am allowed guests but in a cruel twist of irony I know about four people in the same town I live and I hardly expect any of them would want to visit little old me after a day of working remotely with each other.

Let me work it

So something Liana does still do? She works.  I haven’t much to say about this  but I still have a job and I can work from home and although some parts feel up in the air, it’s okay for now so I’m happy.

Put my thing down

In this case that thing I’m going to assume is my ever over-exaggerated dating life that is nothing but down at the moment.
The idea of a video date is a little too dystopian for me and what is stopping these tinder boys just whipping out out?
NOTHING. NOTHING IS STOPPING THEM. Nothing has stopped them in the past and that’s not about to change. I may as well head to chat roulette because I’m just as likely to have success there as I am in the online dating world.
However one thing good thing about the isolating situation is I have a valid reason to tell potential partners to keep away for 14 days before I would agree to see them and then to stay 1.5m away from me.

Flip it and reverse it

What’s been interesting is watching the perspective a lot of people now have on social isolation. I’ve been geographically isolated for just over two years now and have been asking for visitors (and have had some beautiful people do so, they know who they are) for phone calls and just for catch ups.
I think the feeling a lot of people have now that they can’t leave the house is synonymous with that feeling I’ve had for the past two years. So the beauty is I’m now seeing more people connecting with me through video chats, phone calls, discord groups and all sorts of mediums. It’s pretty cool.
I’m hopeful that when the world normalises again (if the world normalises again…) that these sorts of things will continue? Fingers crossed.

Anyways happy pandemic everyone. Look out for each other.
I can’t wait to do things again sometime.

100 albums that have killed it since 2010

There comes a time in everyone’s life where we must sit back and think of the musical journey life has taken us on in the past decade. And we must do this with the aid of many ciders. Many many ciders. Here are my cider photos on albums I personally have listened to and enjoyed since 2010.

*Disclaimer* Before anyone (Jacob) gets mad about the lack of Kendrick Lamar on this list (or any other artist they think should be there) this is entirely my own opinion and the albums I personally listened to. If you don’t like it leave a baby boomer style comment complaining. 


Kesha – Animal
Famous for Tik Tok, your love is my drug and blah blah blah. Also the reinstatement of glitter. 

Marina and the Diamonds – The Family Jewels
Brought us Oh No and introduced Marina to the world! Oh yes! 

Justin Bieber – My World 2.0
I wasn’t sure if I should include this album. What can I say, she’s indecisive… she can’t decide. 

3OH!3 – Streets of Gold
Predicted the 2012 apocalypse. Still waiting. 

Katy Perry – Teenage Dream
If you didn’t bop this album you’re lying sorry I don’t make the rules. No one does. The radio stations do. They bopped this album. You heard it. 

The Pretty Reckless – Light Me Up

Mark Ronson & The Business Intl – Record Collection
It’s that weird french sort of sounding song Bang Bang Bang and of course the bicycle song which is still legally the only one of three songs you can play while riding a bicycle. 

Bruno Mars – Doo-Wops & Hooligans
He WOULD catch a grenade for YOU.

Taylor Swift – Speak Now
I didn’t actually like T-Swizz when this came out but future listens has made it grow on me. Still country Taylor. 

A Day to Remember – What Separates Me from You

Nicki Minaj – Pink Friday
She really did do that all those years ago and still GOES OFF QUEEN

Out Est Le Swimming Pool – The Golden Year
It was a golden year indeed. 


Lady Gaga – Born This Way
Lady Gaga is part motorbike and she was born on a train but SHE WAS BORN and to save the gays. 

Bombay Bicycle Club – A Different Kind of Fix
What an album! They make me want to have dreams. 

Ball Park Music – Happiness and Surrounding Suburbs
I don’t know if this album cured my depression or caused it but either way I love. 

The Kooks – Junk of the Heart
Jury is also out on if this album did make me HAAAPPPPPPPYYYY 

Grouplove – Never Trust a Happy Song
The song that was on like two ads, I think one was for coca cola. 

Foster the People – Torches
You know the one. 

Arctic Monkeys – Suck it and See
I don’t think they’re allowed to call an album that in 2011 but there you go.

Panic! At Disco – Vices & Virtues
Brendon Urie realised he didn’t need anyone else, recreated the I Write Sins Not Tragedies film clip and began my goth boy sexual awakening. 

The Wombats – Proudly Present This Modern Glitch
They claim they never knew they were techno fans but the album title suggests otherwise. 


Lana Del Rey – Born To Die
To be fair, I did not like this album when it came out. I met a guy once who had a Lana Del Rey tattoo that said Born To Die. It was too much. Why would she say that, it’s so dumb emo goth and wow it’s so sexy okay I get it now thanks Lana. 

Frank Ocean – Channel Orange
A potato flew around my room before you came. 

Marina and the Diamonds – Electra Heart
Who is Marina! What is that HEART on her Cheek! WHY do I LOVE her? 

Jake Bugg – Jake Bugg
The grey Jake Bugg album. The one about smoking. Is this acceptable country music? Maybe in 2012. Thanks Jake. 

The Lumineers – The Lumineers
I once accidentally downloaded a Lumineers song. I had to throw away my whole computer just to be safe.

Ball Park Music – Museum
Thought the first album was happily depressing? They one upped it here. 

Bastille – Other People’s Heartache Pt 1 & 2
AN ENTIRE album of not just covers but BASTILLE covers that are literally unlike anything else? In the words of tumblr 2012… I can’t even. 

Taylor Swift – Red
Taylor still keeps her country ties but starts to realise there’s more money in pop. The Jake Gyllenhaal era. 

San Cisco – San Cisco
Straight up just sobbing thinking bout that song beach I’m fine. 

Fun – Some Nights
I think We Are Young was going to be our graduation song but instead it was that song from Anastasia. 


Arctic Monkeys – AM
A mate of mine told me he had his first threesome while this album was playing. I can’t help but think that’s what Alex Turner would have wanted. 

Bastille – Bad Blood
This album has that song which is my mantra for all things in life “how am I going to be an optimist about this?”

Chvrches – The Bones of What you Believe
Fun fact: I’d never heard the term Glaswegian before I heard Chvrches. I’m happy about both these things. 

Haim – Days Are Gone
Three very cool sisters just doing their damn thing and doing it well! Good album. 

Vance Joy – God Loves You When You’re Dancing
Vance Joy invents the ukulele and this makes every soft boy at a party think he’s top shit. Only Vance Joy can do that. 

London Grammar – If You Wait
I just can’t even deal with this goddamn band this album is too much I’m crying again. 

Tom ODell – Long Way Down
Beautiful British man sings into my soul. He’s prettier than me. I’m still bitter about it. 

The most under-appreciated MGMT album. It’s the one with the cowbell song. If you don’t know the song go listen now. 

Vampire Weekend – Modern Vampires of The City
A top notch album during Ezra’s peak tweeting period. We were truly blessed in 2013. 

Imagine Dragons – Night Visions
It’s the same song on repeat for 13 tracks. They only have one song. They still only have one song. I saw them live this year and they played the same song over and over. 

Lorde – Pure Heroine
Remember how everyone thought Royals would win hottest 100 but Vance Joy stole it from her. Who is Lorde and where is New Zealand? 

Daft Punk – Random Access Memory
The mysterious robots return and they are ready to win the lotto!

Arcade Fire – Reflektor

Jake Bugg – Shangri La
The orange album. It’s kinda like we live in a society but make it country. 

Lily Allen – Sheezus
This album deserves way more love than it got and was well before it’s time Lily Allen is a blessing we never give the respect she deserves. 

Grouplove – Spreading Rumours
Grouplove have returned from their best friends house with some aliens. There’s a song about sharks on this album. 

St Lucia – When The Night
What a great album and a great band. I think I made eye contact with the lead singer at their gig. Please call me your child misses you. 

The 1975 – The 1975
This album has three of my favourite things, Sex, Chocolate and MONEY. 


Jamie T – Carry on The Grudge
It’s like peak British underground type culture but make it modern. 

Marina and the Diamonds – FROOT
Look we all know Marina is my fave I don’t need to explain this. 

The Kooks – Listen
Thank you Kooks this album was very cool.

 Ariana Grande – My Everything
You don’t get a choice you have to listen to this album and it’s best just to accept it. 

Ball Park Music – Puddinghead
Apparently the album title is a Shakespeare reference. I should have paid more attention in English. 

Bluejuice – Retrospective
This is basically a best of album but it’s great cause I didn’t really get into Bluejuice until around 2014 so there ya go. 

Bombay Bicycle Club – So Long, See You Tomorrow
They’re back and they’ve got that bollywood sounding song on here but we stan people, we stan. 

Charli XCX – Sucker
I don’t care what the Charli stans say about this album, I bloody loved not going to school and breaking the rules and BOOM Clap the Sound of my farts and literally every song on this album. Real Charli fans don’t discriminate against pop Charli. 

Foster the People – Supermodel
Another under-rated album that asked us to ask the important questions? Like are you what you want to be?

Washington – There There
Even though her album prior was objectively better, this introduced me to her so it earns a spot on this listen. 

Lana Del Rey – Ultraviolence
I’ve actually gotten more into this album this year because as a musical rookie I didn’t really get this album when it came out but man I get you now Lana. 

George Ezra – Wanted on Voyage
I spent way too long trying to work out if George Ezra was a hottie or not. I don’t remember. I don’t care anymore. Why won’t the guy from St Lucia call me? 

Glass Animals – Zaba
This new band has appeared but I can vibe the tunes they are dropping and Gooey is a tune I think I voted for it in hottest 100. 

Sia – 1000 Forms of Fear
This is meant to be a serious and deep and meaningful album but my best memories of it are drunkenly attempting to dance like the chick in chandelier and hoping I don’t break anything.

Taylor Swift – 1989
The moment Taylor realised pop does in fact sell better than country. Though this was a good album and Blank Space still goes off. 


Grimes – Art Angels
I know Grimes is not a new artist at this point but I certainly didn’t know her or how to spell B-E-H-A-V-E . 

Twenty-One Pilots – Blurryface
If you were at uni when this came out and stressed out wasn’t your entire mood idk what drugs you’re on but I want to know where I can get some. 

Chvrches – Every Open Eye
I used to drop everything I was doing at work so I could jam to the break down in Clearest Blue cause damn it was so good every single time. 

The Rubens – Hoops
When the title track came out as number one in hottest 100 one of my mates cried because Kendrick was supposed to win. A previous hottest 100 he cried because a chicken fit into a box. I see a trend.

The Wombats  – Glitterbug
My mate and I won tickets to an early listening party for this album and we got to meet the wombats. My hair was bright pink, I should have known better than to wear a red shirt but we all make mistakes. 

San Cisco – Gracetown
Who is Isabella? 

Florence + The Machine – How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful
Florence has returned and she is asking the heavy questions like what kind of man? And did she build this ship to wreck? 

Gang of Youths – The Positions
Who needs a psychologist when you can just listen to Magnolia on repeat? 


Frank Ocean – Blonde
Frank Ocean left for the shops in 2013 and promised to get milk and after years of waiting we thought he’d never come back. Instead he returned with the whole goddamn cow so that he’d never have to leave again.

Ariana Grande – Dangerous Woman
Ariana said a naughty word in this album so we know she’s no longer just a Disney girl. 

Panic! At the Disco – Death of a Bachelor
Even though according to his own vine he’s already married at this point, Brendon Urie somehow became MORE attractive? Or maybe I aged. Either way he will be my husband one day. 

Glass Animals – How to Be a Human Being
There are too many classics from this album but the girl sitting on the couch eating mayonnaise while she’s getting blazed? This is the content people want.

The 1975 – I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it
They didn’t actually have to ruin such a good album with such a bad title. That wasn’t necessary. Why are they like this? 

Beyonce – Lemonade
A good album or a scam to make Jay Z money? You decide. 

Bastille – Wild World
After what felt like ages Bastille has a new album and this time it’s originals! Worth the wait though I can forgive them. 


Gang of Youths – Go Farther in Lightness
Another album to cure depression. These musicians are going to ruin the entire mental health industry. 

Alex Lahey – I Love You Like a Brother
When she said I haven’t been taking care of myself I really felt that.  Also accurately describes Perth. 

Lana Del Rey – Lust for Life
Notice that Honeymoon wasn’t on this list? Can’t rank between Lana’s other albums. And this one was definitely one of the best. Look at the collabs. THE COLLABS. 

Lorde – Melodrama
Lorde didn’t have to make this album but she did and she did it for us. Think about that. 

Charli XCX – No 1 Angel/ Pop 2
I cannot begin to explain how important these albums are and at the risk of not doing it justice I will not comment without a lawyer present. 


The Wombats – Beautiful People Will Ruin Your Life
The album that outed the wombats as furries. We should have known. The band name guys. 

Ball Park Music – Good Mood
It’s the album with the song where he cuts all his body parts off which is weirdly relatable. 

The 1975 – A Brief Inquiry into Online Relationships
A self-proclaimed millennial baby boomers like…. But is he actually a millennial. Remind me to fact check this.
(I clearly neglected listening to albums in 2018) 


G Flip – About Us
This queen wrote a song about drinking too much and being gay and I cannot fault her in any way. 

Catfish and the Bottlemen – The Balance
I’ve only just started bopping this and regret not bopping earlier! 

Alex Lahey – The Best of Luck Club
I also don’t get invited to parties anymore so I’m feeling some strong messaging from this album thanks Alex. 

Charli XCX – Charli
Don’t make me write about Charli I just love her there’s no other explanation. Listen to Shake It. 

Bastille – Doom Days
In the title track they sing about live streaming the final days of Rome which is an OOFT but this is definitely THE album. 

Vampire Weekend – Father of the Bride
Rostam is out and HAIM? Is in? Did Ezra marry Danielle Haim or did I miss something? 

Marina – Love + Fear
HER DIAMONDS ARE GONE? WHERE DID THEY GO? It’s okay, I don’t mind because this is an excellent two part album and you can definitely feel the love and fear in it all. Welcome back Marina. 

Taylor Swift – Lover
Surprisingly a really good album that got buried under a stack of other good releases. We can pretend reputation didn’t happen it’s chill. Worth a listen if you haven’t already. 

Lana Del Rey – Norman Fucking Rockwell
Lana returns to her more Ultraviolence type roots after Lust for Life was a bit more. It’s an album that needs to be listened to all together. She can do no wrong in my eyes. 

Foals – Everything Not Saved Will Be Lost Pt 1
Foals albums as a whole have never really done it for me prior to this one. But this is such a good listen start to finish.  And the fact that there’s a pt 2? Amazing. 

Ruby Fields – Permanent Hermit
Ruby Fields no longer needs to play pubs she’s worked it all out here. What a great album. 

Billie Eilish – When We All Fall Asleep Where Do We Go
I know you’re all sick of Bad Guy but Billie can’t help it if that song is super catchy and so easily turned into a meme? 

Lizzo – Cuz I Love You
Lizzo turned the entire self love movement into an album and she did it for us.

Knot a fan of my hair

WARNING: This post features embarrassing images of myself as a teenager. 

Picture this. The year is 2010. Bands like Panic! at the Disco, Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance are at their prime.
The scene was the strongest it had every been. MySpace users were slowly migrating to Tumblr. Outside of Rocking Horse gathered teens after school who would sit around and appear not to talk to each other. They were so cool.

At the ripe age of 15 all I craved was to be one of them. But there was one thing stopping me from ever fitting into that group.

My hair.

For years I had battled with the thick mop that sprouted from my head, spending hours battling the knots more complex than the latest celebrity scandal. And even if I did battle through them all I was left with a frizz ball that could easily be confused as the remains of a cat choking on it’s own fur.

Needless to say I hated my hair.

Equip with a hair straightener that cost $35 from Kmart (GHDs although the dream were out of budget) and a box of Schwarzkopf blue black hair dye I was ready to do anything to appear to be one of the cool kids.

Each morning I subjected my hair to the same treatment a child at a religious conversation camp would face. “Go STRAIGHT” I would yell at in while flat ironing again and again and again.

I never did hang out with the kids outside of rocking horse but fair to say on a day my hair was sitting flat they way I wished it would permanently – I didn’t hate it.  Of course any sign of humidity or rain and my hours of effort were ruined. And more often than not there would be that one strand of hair at the back that I missed that held onto it’s curl.

Fast forward a few years and I discovered “indie” music, festivals and manic panic.  I began to settle on a wavy medium. It wasn’t the dead straight I used to spend hours working on, but it was flat ironed enough to somewhat manage the frizz. I still disliked my hair but a box of bleach and whatever colour dye I picked up at the shops that day would settle that problem.

In fact, it seemed to solve all my problems? Boy breaks your heart? New hair colour.

Failed a class? New hair colour.

Lost your job? New hair colour?

Gossip Girl season 6 was shocking and shouldn’t have been made? New hair colour.

Of course these constant changes were no good for my hair’s health and I was starting to become more appreciative of the thick locks I had been blessed with. They could handle pretty much anything I threw at them.

Fast forward to now and Rocking Horse rarely has anyone sitting outside aside from the occasional tourist looking for anywhere to rest their legs. Full time work somehow has left me more tired than usual and lets be honest, I’ve gotten lazy. More often these days you’ll catch me wearing my hair in it’s natural state.


I saw a recent article on Vogue or some sort of fashion source (or maybe it was Junkee) that told me the perm was coming back in. Haha what fools imagine spending hours setting curls in your hair or spending vast amounts of money changing it from it’s natural state.

What idiot would do that?

Taylor Swift songs Vs songs with the same title not by Taylor Swift

Like so many other artists Taylor Swift has a bunch of songs that share titles with other songs that were written by someone else. Today they go into battle.

Call It What You Want

In Taylor Swift’s song has some ominous lyrics about this so called ‘baby’ (who is probably as real as the boyfriend I made up in grade 8, which EVERYONE knew I made up but whatever)  is ruined by the fact she says ‘I brought a knife to a gun fight’ in the first verse. What the hell Taylor?

In Foster The People’s version we know from the first bar we’re in for a BOP. The combination of piano and synth and lyrics that I’m not even sure what they’re saying (I just checked and they also mention knives in this song, take that how you will) until they’re telling us to ‘Call It What You Want’ makes this the perfect recipe for a chill tune on a Sunday sesh.

Winner: Foster The People – Their song has you bopping from start to finish whereas Taylor loses you early in.

Love Story

In Taylor Swift’s story we hear from the perspective of a 14-year-old who has just studied Shakespeare and has been asked to interpret it into modern English. The only problem is Taylor clearly didn’t finish Romeo and Juliet because THEY DIE. THEY LITERALLY BOTH DIE?? I don’t know how she missed that part but she did and it didn’t make it into her song.

I actually listened to 3 other songs called Love Story before I came across a worth competitor, Mariah Carey.
In Mariah’s version it’s like the musical embodiment of a super exclusive bar with low lighting drinking a martini with an olive.  But you and I both know Mariah can do better than this. I don’t think a single lyric retained from this song and I started thinking about It’s Like That halfway through because that is an ultimate Mariah tune.

Winner: Taylor Swift – As if you can listen to Taylor’s version without belting out the lyrics and understanding true love from the perspective of a teenager.


Taylor Swift’s 22 has helped create the height of comedy for anyone in their early 20s who clearly posts this song on their friends walls when they hit the age of 22.  Taylor makes 22 sound like the ultimate age to be, and as someone who has been 22, she’s not completely wrong.  She hasn’t just created a song, but a moment in history.

Lily Allen’s 22 is the polar opposite of Taylor’s song. She brings us all back down to earth by reminding us by the time we’re almost 30 we’re going to be almost as miserable as we were when we were going through our emo phase’s as teens. And you know what, I’m glad Lily is hear to spill that truth tea because sometimes we all need a reminder that our youth is fleeting and you can easily ruin your life in the space of just 8 years.

Winner: Tie – This one was too difficult to split, Taylor really did nail the feeling of 22 but we need Lily to keep us grounded.


Taylor Swift presents us with the perfect song to listen to when your former manager of your not fantastic retail job used to treat you like hell and spend her days complaining about you to your co-workers who happen to also be some of your best friends. Instead of getting mad you can go home, listen to this song and realise that this person is literally a store manager and has reached the age where that’s as far as they’ll go in life (see Lily Allen’s 22) and you’ve still got your whole life ahead of you? I feel inspired even just writing this.

P!nk takes on a different perspective of Mean, where instead of rising above the other bully she admits she is just as guilty of being mean. I assume this song is about her husband (because what P!nk song isn’t about her husband?) and their love-hate relationship. I appreciate that P!nk is trying to fix the situation, sometimes it’s good to admit you’re wrong.

Winner: Taylor Swift – Although P!nk provides us with the a good message of sometimes you need to admit you’re wrong, Taylor Swift looks at the bigger picture of there’s more to life. And she’s so damn right.

This Love

You know those moments when you’re in a relationship and you just feel so at peace, everything in your life is so perfect, you might be just lying next to your partner and feeling so satisfied with the whole situation? Good, cause I bloody well don’t and 0/10 cannot relate to Taylor’s version of This Love.

Once again we are presented with the polar opposite of Taylor’s song with Maroon 5’s version of This Love. That guitar riff playing throughout combined with that funky drum beat has you hooked from opening before feeling the passion of Adam who has been WRONGED by this heart breaker (I think? I think that’s what this song is about?). No more goodbyes for Adam.

Winner: Maroon 5 – I can’t relate to either of these songs but Maroon 5 doesn’t have the corny factor like Taylor’s making it ultimately better.

Stay Beautiful

OG Country Taylor Swift has only one mission in life, and it’s to name drop as many people as she possibly can. In this song we’re introduced to Cory who I’m gathering from the lyrics was a very pretty boy. I met a Cory once who didn’t get the hint I wasn’t keen despite the fact my friends and I left him in the beer garden of Rics alone for a good hour. He just sat there drinking his whisky cola waiting…

Following on from The Last Goodnight’s ultimate banger that was Pictures of You, Stay Beautiful doesn’t highlight one specific person which is nice because you can apply it to anyone with their blueish brownish greenish eyes. For all I know this song is about me. In fact, I’m going to take a guess and say it definitely is about me so I will Stay Beautiful thanks.

Winner: The Last Goodbye – Taylor’s song is too specific, suggesting only Cory’s are beautiful. Well guess what Taylor, anyone can be beautiful if they put their mind to it.

A comprehensive guide on how to be a tourist in Perth by following another website’s guide

It appears in my several travels back and fourth to the West Coast I’ve spent more time enjoying my friend’s company than enjoying all the fun exciting things Perth has to offer, which is just ridiculous if you ask me.

So on my most recent travel’s I have followed this guide from the Urban List (and definitely not done all 50) and here is a guide to how it all went so none of you ever have to leave your cosy East Coast homes.

Little Creatures

Went to Fremantle, ran out of money. Didn’t go inside Little Creatures but I saw it with both of my eyes and went to a nearby beach instead and sent a snap to my friends who drink beer. Do that instead.

Jacob’s Ladder


Went to Jacob’s Ladder, was more of a staircase. Sent a hilarious snap to all my friends named Jacob. Classic. 10/10 would snap again.

Cottesloe Beach 

Went to Cottesloe on a previous visit. I think we had ice cream? Someone remind me?

The Belltower

Looked at the building which I assume famous facebook page and trust worthy news source the Bell Tower Times is written. Also WTF.

Mount Lawley

MORE LIKE MOUNT FURRY. I’m actually still scarred from the rabbits with boobs and dogs with dicks.
(Side note: this wasn’t on the list so I’ve been scarred for no reason)


Basically Perth’s version of Fortitude Valley. Didn’t really visit this trip but have spent more than one evening at Amplifier which is what would happen if you got all of the people who enjoy the Brightside and combined them with all the people who go to The RE but gave them money because drinks are way more pricey on the West Coast (take note before going clubbing).  However stumbling to the train station via Lord of the Fries makes it all worth it.
Oh and there’s good food and occasionally edible flowers (pictured).


I didn’t go here and I’m still angry about it.

Elizabeth Quay


Imagine another city saw South Bank and was like “I want one of those” but they didn’t really have a place for their knock off South Bank so were kind of like UHHH lets put in some weird statues and just build some really fucking tall high rises and spend a LOT of money. That’s Elizabeth Quay. Also I’m still angry and confused (and maybe slightly aroused) by the weird giant ovals.

Fremantle’s West End

It’s kind of like Brisbane’s West End except with ~* beach vibes *~
Good food, lots of hippies but the hippies can surf.

Kings Park 

Most of the things you’d want to do as a “tourist” are at Kings Park.
It’s basically Perth’s poor excuse for mountain but there’s a cool tree and some nice gardens and a pretty dope bridge so you know it’s not that bad. It’s a nice spot for sunset picnics.

Swan Valley 

Run out of money? No problem because you can just stock up on a tonne of free relish samples at Providore and free chocolate from the Margaret River Chocolate Factory next door. The secret is to look like you might actually want to buy something but then not buy anything. Works a charm.

Fremantle Markets

Did this on a previous visit and I can confirm there was definitely people selling stuff. If you’re into exchanging money for goods and services you’re gonna bloody love this.

Gusto Gelato

I walked past this place and insulted my ancestors by pronouncing it so wrong.


Right in the middle of Leederville is a place called Greens & Co but nobody told me that it’s permanently graffiti’d to say Greens & Cock.  Lovely area otherwise.

Caversham Wildlife Park 

This wasn’t on the Urban List’s list but by George it should be! It’s just a lot of animals including like two Quokkas (still mad about Rottnest) and a giant freaking Pelican that will just come right up to the fence and I nearly cried because I love that pelican so much. I’m crying right now. I hope he’s happy.

Scarborough Beach 

Not on the Urban List but there were several other beaches that I didn’t visit so this will do.
Surprisingly not that different from Scarborough, Redcliffe except the lack of dope trees that I remember being much larger as a child.
However Scarborough, Perth has some cute bars and a fancy ass hotel. Oh and a beach with sand and water.
It’s perfect for posting a picture on instagram like “Wow! Perth is amazing! Thanks for the sunset! Which you did just for me! Because the sun doesn’t set every day! But today it did! And it did it for me! Wow!”

City girl in the country part 2: The bucket list

Time and time again I’ve been told, by not just locals but people outside of town, that Stanthorpe is a tourist town.
It took me driving an hour north to visit some stunning sunflower fields to realise all of these amazing tourist attractions are right outside my door step.
So I’ve made myself a list of things to do by the end of the year while I’m living it up in the Granite Belt.

1. Visit Girraween without an irrational fear of being murdered

To the best of my knowledge no one has ever actually been murdered at Girraween and just because there is no reception doesn’t actually mean my safety is at risk? But getting lost on the dirt tracks of Girraween has somewhat put me off heading back there since my first visit.  Next time I’m taking photos of the maps and heading to this lovely park without fear of murder! Hell yeah!

2. Go swimming at Boonoo Boonoo

Most people from Brisbane would be familiar with Cedar Creek and Gardener Falls, but just across the border lies the Boonoo Boonoo national park which is known for it’s stunning falls and swimming area.
As someone who loves being around bodies of water (just ask my friends who I dragged out to the dodgiest part of the Brisbane River on my last visit home)  it seems like the perfect place to cool off on a hot summer’s day.

3. Autumn in Tenterfield

Again across the border, I’ve been frequently told Tenterfield is freaking lit in autumn.
As in lit with multi-coloured leaves and just some damn nice serenity.

4. An unforgettable wine tour (and also a forgettable one)

What would be the point of moving to wine country without sampling ALL of the wine. Yes. ALL THE WINE.

5. Save a horse, ride a cowboy

Kidding Mum! (Or am I….)

6. Drink Cider Unironically

Besides wine, the granite belt is also known for apples. And what’s apples without cider?
Here’s a handy reminder, if it’s clear and yella you’ve got juice there fella, if it’s tangy and brown you’re in cider town.

7. Waterfall circuit

Lowkey sort of already did this. But I only did the short walk and saw one of the many waterfalls. So in the words of Ariel from The Little Mermaid “I want more.”

8. See some dang snow

Turns out you don’t have to go to Europe for snow after all. With some predicting this winter to be Australia’s coldest, the chance of snow is likely enough for me to get a wee bit excited (and a wee bit terrified of freezing to death cause your girl does not do well in the cold).

9. Look at the moon but do it at the observatory

My buddy the moon, the cause of most of my problems and yet the solution to so many. Imagine how lit it’s gonna look through a telescope? There’s an observatory at Ballandean around 20 minutes south of town, so yeah I’m gonna REALLY look at the moon.

10. Find some rocks

Not just regular rocks. Those really big ones that make you go “damn, that’s a big rock.”
I’m gonna find them just you wait.

City girl in country town part 1: turns out there’s not just cows and bulls

It’s been 63 days since I left the big smoke and moved to the small town of Stanthorpe.
I always aware of the fact that I would be leaving Brisbane to pursue my career, but there’s nothing that can really prepare you for moving from a city of nearly 2 million to a town of just 5000.

Constantly I was told of how cold it would be as I packed up my life to move to wine country in just two weeks.
I remember driving home from my retail job on the phone to my mum trying so hard not to cry and simultaneously crash. A large group of my friends were already coming to my house that night and it seemed like the perfect chance to give them all the news while I tried to keep it together – somewhat unaware of what I was walking into.

Before I left, I invited just about everyone I knew for one last hurrah at my favourite cafe/bar and had so many people comment on how nice it was to have such a large number people come out for me – despite a few notable absences.
It took me this long to appreciate how easy it was for me to pretty much draw a name out of a hat, call that person up and be like “I’m coming over!”

To go from constantly being surrounded by people I love to just awkwardly hoping someone who I meet for a story will be close to my own age and maybe want to be my friend is the one challenge I don’t think any university degree can prepare you for.

In saying that, there have definitely been a bunch of nice things that I never really had the fortune of enjoying back home.
One of my favourite memories so far since moving here is driving myself out to Storm King Dam – around 10 minutes south of the town – lying on the pier and just looking up at the stars.
It seems corny but there’s no light pollution out here so what you can see is so much brighter and so much more beautiful than you could ever see in a city.

I had the chance to go to my first country show and given I was already a huge fan of the Ekka it was nice to see where all of that starts. It was at this stage where I discovered there isn’t just cows and bulls, but also steers and heifers (which can also be used as somewhat of a nasty insult).

I’ve visited more farms in the past 2 months than I have in my entire life, a highlight being the Nicoletti Orchards where prep-aged Sean told me all about the different apples and trees as we drove around the farm.

I even had the chance to meet a 4-week-old reindeer, something you would NEVER be able to do in a city as they are way too timid (something I never knew about reindeer).

Not to mention, I am constantly given the opportunity to write front page stories. Seeing as there are only two journos in my newsroom it’s something that I don’t even give a second thought, but one of my editors pointed out to me I wouldn’t be given this chance at a larger site.

The people around here for the most part have been very kind and very welcoming.
The produce has this incredible freshness that would not be possible in a metro area.
The parks are filled with more animals than my inner hippy can handle.

The only thing that’s really missing is those strong friendship bonds I’ve leaned on for my entire life.

(and a cinema wtf I wanna see Black Panther).

Better things to waste your time on than the Melbourne Cup

Currently the record time for Melbourne cup is 3:16 minutes but that happened in the 1990s so assuming we’re looking at about 3:30 minutes I have complied a list of better ways for you to spend your time today which don’t induce animal cruelty nor contribute to the very problematic gambling industry.

1. A game of solitaire

When was the last time you wasted a good few minutes playing everyone’s favourite card game?

2. Cook some 2 minute noodles

The great news is because you’ve got a little extra time you don’t have to rush to have them done in two minutes.

3. Enter the Vine Archives

That’s at least 35 vines you can watch in that time.

4. Count to 210

Test your counting skills. See if any of your years of education have paid off for this exact moment.

5. Get Abs

Apparently you can do it in one song? Go on try it.

6. Read the Constitution

No you won’t be able to finish it all in 3:30 minutes so maybe focus on section 44 and try and guess which senator is going to be disqualified next.

7. Pat an animal

Tell that animal you promise to never race it purely for profits because that’s rude.

8. Give your parents a call

If your mum picks up you’ll probably be on the phone for much longer than 3:30 minutes. But don’t worry she’s just excited to hear from you.

9. Find Wally

Good luck!

10. Make a cup of tea

Congratulations on not participating in this barbaric event! Sorry if that makes you “UnAustralian