Brisbane Girl Deceived By Coriander Hating Boyfriend

(Image source: Cairns Post, Brendan Radke)

A Brisbane girl was sent into a state of distress when her boyfriend threatened to remove her chilli garlic olives from their shopping if she didn’t take back a coriander plant.

18-year-old Jasmin Watters was collecting potted herbs at her local Coles with Lachlan Fuller when she noticed coriander was on sale.

“I picked it up and he literally told me he’d put back my chilli garlic olives if I didn’t put the plant back,” Ms Watters said.

Ms Watters was shaken by the event and didn’t believe Mr Fuller even knew the difference between coriander and parsley.

“I know I definitely don’t.”

When informed coriander was simply a type of parsley, Mr Fuller’s words spoke for themselves.

“I like parsley,” Mr Fuller said.

“I used to eat it off the bush at Nanna’s.”

Close friend and co-worker of Ms Watters, Shannon Taylor, said Mr Fuller is a liar.

“He lied,” Ms Taylor said.

Another co-worker and expert in deception, Demi Leigh, agreed with Ms Taylor, saying Mr Fuller was a traitor.

“Lachlan fuller more like Lachlan full of lies,” Ms Leigh said.

Ms Watters plans on returning to her local Coles to purchase the herbs at a later date.

Please take me seriously

Elle Woods is one of my all time favourite movie characters. Not just because Legally Blonde is full of classic one liners, or the fact it introduced me to the “Bend and Snap.” But because despite the fact that so many people made snap judgements about Elle based purely on appearance and personality, she was still able to strive for success.

I relate a lot to her. There is no reason why Elle shouldn’t have got into Harvard. She has a 4.0 GPA – the equivalent to straight 7’s or HDs. That’s amazing. And it doesn’t matter what course you’re studying, every career path is just as valuable as each other. Without fashion students we wouldn’t have wardrobes full of clothes. Without film students the cinemas would be empty. Those sorts of grades are amazing no matter what you study.

Elle got a 179 on the LSATs. I know from watching Suits, getting that kind of score is next to impossible. So once again, Elle is incredible!  But people just look at her, see blonde, boobs, and over-the-top girly. And that’s it, a judgement is made and everything else is totally disregarded.


(source: giphy.com)

I remember last year in one of my lectures, while I was going through my rainbow hair stage, the lecturer looked right at me as she suggested to the class a story on “why is purple hair still a thing” was a good idea.

I’m pretty notoriously late to social events. People who’ve known me for a while know to give me a time half an hour earlier than I’m actually meant to be there and so there’s a chance I may show up on time. On more than one occasion people have told me if I didn’t spend so much time on my makeup and appearance I wouldn’t be so late to things.

I really like making people laugh. I don’t mind being the butt of jokes if it means I can put a smile on someone’s face. Sometimes I’ll say the stupidest things out loud without really thinking it through first, at the chance it might make someone laugh. If I’m the class clown then I’m totally fine with that. Really the entirety of blog is a prime example of that.


(source: tumblr.com)

But I guess there’s a side to me a lot of people don’t see. I’m no Elle Woods, but my GPA isn’t bad. The course I’m currently studying required an OP 6 to get in. I spend three years studying the International Baccalaureate which in short, is really fucking hard.  I’m not saying I’m some kind of prodigy genius – that couldn’t be any less from the truth – but people have a tendency to just look at me and make a snap judgement.

Nearly everyone I’ve encountered in my course works really hard. I’m missing 5 weeks of classes out of a 12 week semester from doing extra work and internships. While interning at Channel Ten, there wasn’t a single day I was late. In fact most days I seriously overcompensated for traffic and got in before any of the actual journalists. I guess no one there really questioned how I’d done my hair and make up because of the fact that most days you end up standing in front of a camera. Also no one ever really questioned how serious I was because I pretty much got thrown into actually working for them when Cyclone Debbie hit.

Although no one’s ever really directly said it, I’ve definitely had people imply I may not be suited to hard news. You know, without ever actually seeing any sort of hard news I’ve produced. I guess they read some of my posts here and decide you can’t be writing Buzzfeed style listicles and also be able to report on things like murder cases? (I would post a link here to my Tialeigh Palmer story but my voice is really bad, so better not). 

In reality, I don’t know where I’m going to end up at the end of this year. I have 6 months left and then it’s out into the real world.  All I can hope is people out there in the real world know, no matter what my hair colour is, no matter how much make up I feel like wearing that day, no matter what stupid shit post I come up with next, I should be taken just as seriously as anyone else out there.

Oh and here’s a pelican yawning cause this post got too real.


(source: reddit.com)

Look we all already know who won…

Are you a European song contest? Cause you’re a vision!

THE VERY REAL AND NOT ENTIRELY MADE UP BUDGET: LEAKED!!!

The Australian Federal Government will be releasing the nations budget this evening, but luckily due to my mind reading and precognition abilities I am able to bring to you now, an in depth analysis of winners and losers of this very very real budget.

THE WINNERS

Coffee lovers everywhere are rejoicing as the government will now be subsidising one large coffee per person per work day to help maintain productivity, especially for the early starters. For the sick people who don’t like coffee, the subsidy can also be used on other cafe beverages such as Chai Lattes or the Humble Hot Chocolate.


(source: junkee.com)

A more controversial winner is Australia’s beloved Ibis’s, more commonly known as Bin Chickens. The $2 billion Bin Chicken Break will provide the long beaked fowls with extra bins across the nation filled with juices, reminiscent of their previous homes.

Those studying for the citizenship test can count their blessings, although some say it’s a bloody outrage, with $400,000 going towards a colloquialism training course. The course will have future Australian’s asking you to chuck a u-ey at the servo to drop into the bottle-o on the way to maccas before you open your first tinny of the night.


(source: buzzfeed.com) 

The forcibly removed tax is the most controversial of them all. It’ll allow airlines to remove four taxes from their flights and replace them with the employee tax. What is shocking is the means in which airlines will be allowed to remove the taxes. Airport security is permitted to drag the taxes down the plane aisles, leaving them bloodied and beaten. Taxes wearing leggings will also be prevented from boarding.

THE LOSERS

The bigoted Australian’s will be the hardest hit by this new budget, with the sexism tax jumping to a massive 23 cents per dollar for businesses that pay based on gender. Similarly the racists of our nation will be carrying a whopping 15% tax for their inability to perform actual human decency.

Coriander lovers (the whole 12 of them) are really going to feel it in their back pocket as the prestigious herb see’s a special unwanted flavouring tax costing Australian’s who purchase the herb a minimum of $20 per leaf. Kale lovers will also suffer, though the more commonly eaten purple leaf will only see a 20 cent increase per leaf. 


(source: videezy.com) 

The department of self-realisation is suffering a massive hit with $50 million of funding being cut from the “self-discovery” program which sent many Instagram bloggers over to asian countries to “experience culture” and become more self-aware.  The program already came under scrutiny when a twenty-year-old female recently returned from India without feeling anymore in tune with her spirit.


(source: buzzfeed.com)

And finally, Clive Palmer is one of the biggest losers this budget with the new dog grog tax which will see an extra 11% tax on dog specific alcohol.
Disgusted
Watermelon wine
Dog is on the grog
No more
Hamburger

Lightning McQueen: A Car, An Assassin, A Vigilante.

Whether its that dash of red zooming past on the race course, or the bright yellow 95 above the lightning bolt, or the distinctive sound of Ka-Chow, Lighning McQueen is one recognisable vehicle.

Mr. McQueen has touched many lives through his inspiring journey on and off the race course since his silver screen debut in 2006.  However there is a side to the anthropomorphic stock car which many of us have never seen.  A close friend of McQueen, Jo O’Neill, has revealed never before heard information about their four-wheeled friend.


(source: wikipedia.com) 

Jo first met McQueen during primary school education, and although most of the other participants were of a young age, McQueen was something special.

“He’s actually an immortal being and has never been a child, and he will never be elderly,” Jo said.

It makes life tough for McQueen as none of McQueen’s friends, human or automotive, have suffered the same fate.

“He has to carry this burden alone.”

It saddens Jo to talk about the fact McQueen’s predicament of never ageing extends beyond his friendships and into his romantic life.

“He actually has an irresistible sexual aura that overpowers everyone around him so he has chosen to remain celibate so as to avoid taking advantage of anyone.”

Just like any regular human or car, sometimes the loneliness can become too much. McQueen has a dark secret. His deepest discomposure is framed with a gun loaded with a silver bullet.

“He killed Abraham Lincoln”

Although shocking to hear, McQueens assassination history was paramount to the filming of the most recent Cars movie. Using the same method as with Lincoln, McQueen was required to kill an evil version of himself from an alternate universe.

“It wasn’t actually supposed to be in the film but the evil clone showed up and McQueen had to,

“He’s a hero of the people but he isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty,

“Sometimes you need a vigilante to do what a clean cut hero won’t.”

Although Jo does not have much opportunity to see McQueen outside of big family events and drag races these days, Jo describes every moment spent with him as euphoric.

“The english language is far too inferior to explain the essence of Mr. McQueen.”

To Jo, childhood friend McQueen will never be just like any other car.

“He’s a car with a face that can talk”

And now the world knows, he’s also a hero.

Solid Travel Advice I Sent My Friend When I Was Drunk

Picture this, late on a Thursday night, several drinks in (I would hate to count) preparing myself for the long weekend. Suddenly, I am reminded my friend is boarding on a plane the next day, so the obvious response would be to send a long winded list of travelling tips, from me, someone who’s gone ~ travelling ~ once in my life.

Turns out I give great advice so it would be selfish for me to only share with one person. Here’s the version without all the typos (and oddly placed emojis) and a little extra on what sober me thinks drunk me was going on about.

1. Don’t let them kick you off the plane


(source: frinkiac.com)

Timely, considering the whole United Airways situation.

2. Take loads of photos, sell them on the internet


(source: hulu.com) 

The specific amount mentioned was 10$ but I’m not sure if it’s meant to be 10 photos or selling them for $10. The world works in mysterious ways.

3. Return a changed man, have a sportily reawaken (???)


(source: youblewit.bandcamp.com)

I mean this is just in general good advice for going anywhere. As for a sportily reawaken? I can only assume this means finding yourself through sport. An odd concept but I support it.

4. Don’t remove any organs


(source: peteneems.com)

I’d apply this to every organ except for the appendix, if you want that gone be my guest.

5. Prepare the PowerPoint for when you get back with all the photos and lots of stuff to talk about


(source: robertosgifs.com)

Keynote and Prezi are also acceptable forms of this assignment I’m now setting for everyone. Please use APA referencing.

6. Don’t!!! Di3!!!


(source: bantampsycho.tumblr.com)

I think the most important part of this is the use of the number 3. It takes it from a standard message of not dying and triples it.

7. Don’t volunteer to fly the plane. This is not going to end well you don’t have your pilot license. DO NOT FLY THE PLANE YOU HAVEN’T TAKEN THE PILOT TEST WOW I can’t fucking believe you would just fly a plane.


(source: reddit.com) 

If you are a pilot, skip this step.

8. Don’t sell your soul for $5


(source: frinkiac.com) 

We can all learn from Bart Simpson.

9. Do sell finger nail clippings


(source: giphy.com)

Look this is just down right terrible advice, please don’t do this.

10. Have the tea but not the one laced with cocaine, oh no that’s how you get a drug addiction such a bright future and all ruined with the drugs very sad story


(source: diditmarketing.tumblr.com) 

I mean it’s probably best to avoid tea laced with cocaine but between you and me, I don’t think I know how drug addiction works….

11. Don’t give birth while you’re there it won’t be ideal just avoid at all costs, if you want to give birth do it in New Zealand


(source: comicvine.com)

I’m not sure why New Zealand is the right country to be giving birth but I trust myself enough to go with it.

12. Fly safe blimpy boy


(source: simpsonsworld.com) 

Someone (me) has been watching way too much Simpsons lately.

10 Guys You Will DEFINITELY Date In Your Lifetime

Co-Authored by Emily Lighezzolo

1. A Mafia Member


(source: http://rebloggy.com/) 

At first his underground connections to organised crime will have your heart throbbing. But when he ends up in a court trial that goes for 7 years and ends with him spending another 10 in jail… he just wasn’t who you thought he was.

2. The Guy Who Lives Overseas So You Have To Do A Long Distance Relationship So It’s Never Gonna Work


(source: imgur.com) 

As much as you convince yourself that love can concur all, the fact that English is not his first language and your whit and sarcasm often leaves him starring at your blankly as your slurp through an entree of escargot is probably the main reason this won’t work. The distance thing…. eh.

3. Lana Del Rey’s Biggest Fan

(source: ultimatelana.tumblr.com)

Have you heard Lana Del Rey is releasing a new album? Of course you have you’re dating her biggest fan!  The downfall is when it’s choosing between going out for your six month anniversary or staying up until 2am because Lana Del Rey is about to go live on instagram? I doubt you’ll make it to six months anyway.

4. A Rocket Scientist


(source: imgur.com) 

But it won’t impress you much.

5. The Albino Who Can’t Go Out Into The Sun


(source: giphy.com) 

It’s unfortunate that his lack of pigmentation means he is never able to leave the shade. It makes doing montage worthy activities such as beach trips and mini golf next to impossible. It also constantly leaves you questioning if he’s actually just a vampire?

6. An Actual Vampire


(source: giphy.com/hophip)

For a fact we know this one is a vampire. What makes it difficult is he loves the smell of your blood but has to resist because he’s a vegetarian vampire (and by vegetarian he means he still eats meat just not human meat and clearly doesn’t know what vegetarian means). Also somehow has mafia connections but they’re a little more obscure than the first person. Also he sparkles in the sun? Wait I think I read this in a book once…

7. The Confused Boy


(source: superdeluxe.com)

He honestly has no idea what is going on ever. And not in a cute “why do I have to take economics when I’m a marketing major” kind of way. He’s genuinely so confused about everything. Don’t ask him what he wants to eat or how he’s feeling because he actually doesn’t know. Sometimes he cries in cubby houses.

8. Imaginary Boy


(source: http://channelfrederator.frederator.com/)

WAKE UP SHARON, HE’S NOT REAL.

9.  That Guy Who Loves The Oxford Comma More Than He Will Ever Love You


(source: weheartit.com) 

Perhaps the best off this list. Sadly though, between eating pancakes, riding bicycles, and reading books in your Zoeey Deschanel-esque perfect relationship, the moment you forget that oxford comma it’s over. Doesn’t matter that you’re inebriated while you’re texting; no oxford comma, no love. He has it tattooed on his heart, he loves that oxford comma.

10.  Spiderman


(source: giphy.com/websandtiaras) 

He’s friendly. He’s neighbourhood. He’s Spiderman.  Positive qualities include ignoring wealth and fame. The downside is action is his reward… well sweetie, guess what kind of action he’s talking about. And it’s not just you, it’s the whole neighbourhood. Damn you Spiderman!

A Week In The Life of An Intern

This week commenced my first week of working at a real news studio working with actual real life journalists and trying to do real actual adult things. I was absolutely terrified.

Monday


(source: reddit.com) 

I started the week totally overcompensating for traffic time as I headed up Mount Coot-Tha to the channel Ten studios where I managed to beat pretty much all of the actual journalists in.

Having done radio headlines for around 5 months now I figured the transition over to TV would be a breeze. After all I’d done my week’s praxis at uni and found out I got better than the average grade of my cohort, this was going to be a walk in the park right?


(source: reddit.com) 

I headed out to court with Lauren Day, who was so confident and knowledgable in all things journalism I started to feel super intimidated.

It was around about 11:30am, after sitting in court since maybe 9am when I noticed my body start to cramp up.

!!!!CONGRATULATIONS LIANA YOU’RE NOT A MOTHER!!!!

Perfect timing body. Because there’s nothing better than having to get up in the middle of a court hearing with your giant ass bag to try and discretely go to the bathroom? All while knowing there’s a high chance you could miss something major? EXCELLENT.

Sometime after 12, I noticed Lauren had managed to piece together her entire package perfectly.

What? – How? That took no time at all? And it all sounded so perfect? She nailed it without even trying?


(source: giphy.com) 

Watching her stand outside the magistrates court and give the most perfect piece to camera without even stuttering, really reiterated the fact that I am just a student. Although she has years and years of experience, and all I have is one week of QUT News up my sleeve I still was mesmerised by how effortlessly she could just do her job?

How could I possibly ever reach the standard of these people?

Tuesday

I think one of the main reasons I love this type of work is you really never know what to expect.
For example, I never expected that my Tuesday would be spent running around various Brisbane cemeteries.

It wasn’t until later in the week that I realised the person I headed out with, Lachlan Kennedy, was… kind of a big deal?


(source: https://warfareplugins.com) 

Getting to talk to Lachlan and find out that even for someone who’s a senior journalist who has been reporting for years and years, he still has days where he feels like he doesn’t know what he’s doing.  And perhaps the beauty of the fact that no two days are the same, is no matter how much or how little experience you have, you can still get hit with curveballs.

Wednesday


(source: wifflegif.com) 

Feeling a lot better after Tuesday, I was once again eager to head out on the road. Teaming up with Kristina Costalos, with a story on a breakthrough medication for psoriasis SORE-EYE-SIS.

It seemed like before we even left the studio, Kristina knew exactly what her package was going to look like, only seeking to get the right quotes from the right people.

Although a solid part of my day was spent once again minding the equipment, watching how a completely different journalist put together a completely different story was educational enough that I didn’t even mind when a person we were interviewing quite literally threw their umbrella at me.


(source: reddit.com) 

Thursday

(source: 4thegifs.tumblr.com)

I decided pretty early on that I wanted to make the most of my time at Ten which would include pushing myself out of my comfort zone.

This is what lead to me spending Thursday morning down at the Broncos club and realising that even if I did have a solid interest in NRL, an average day for a sports reporting is actually super boring.


(source: youtube.com) 

Imagine this, sitting around for 2 hours while you’re allowed to gather 15 minutes of footage, as a bunch of sweaty dudes run around throwing and catching a ball while you’re waiting for some footballer to mumble their way through a press conference.  HOW EXCITING.


(source: slothville.tumblr.com) 

I may be speaking a little too generally here, but footballers are not great speakers. I tried to listen in as the sports experts dropped names left right and centre – all going completely over my head – but I could barely hear a thing as Wayne Bennet was so softly spoken while he mumbled across his words.

In saying that, my hat goes off to how much knowledge sports journalist have to have – I hope you enjoy all those training sessions spent waiting around for hours.

Friday


(source: justingarbett.com) 

I teamed up with a video journalist on Friday to once again try something different. He informed me early on that we were headed out to “bum fuck nowhere” (which apparently is another name for the Lockyer Valley) via Wivenhoe Dam.

Damn – We were in for a long road trip. Two and a half hours each way to be exact.


(source: pandawhale.com) 

I was grateful to once again be paired with a super friendly journalist, who had studied journalism at the same university as me, laughing at the fact that some of the older teachers were still there.

After a short stop at the dam, a bathroom break in the creepiest public restroom in literally in the middle of no where, we eventually made it to Hidden Vale to see a bunch of animals.

It’s possible that I may have scared Brendan Savage as I got overly excited at the sight of so many reptiles and almost started tearing up when I saw the smallest the most adorable furry little creature – a Mahogany Glider.

After a few short interviews we headed back on the road, stopping once again in the middle of no where, where I discovered the dejero – or as they like to call it, the DJ.  Basically, this insane device which can send video footage back to the news room from pretty much ANYWHERE… has science gone too far?

I don’t think the week could have ended any better, finishing working on what was easily the light and fluffy story of the night.


(source: reactiongifs.com) 

It’s funny how originally I was so scared to do the work that I’ve been studying so hard to make a career out of, where as now what I fear is the reality of going back to uni and working my retail job when I’ve had one of the best weeks of my life so far.  And with one more to go, I look forward to what the days will bring me.

5 Costume Party Ideas That Don’t Have Sexy In The Title

Everyone likes to attend costume parties but everyone is sick of your Green Mario or Sexy Nurse costumes and get creative.*

1. The Shine Man:

The Shine Man, not very famous but extremely shiny.

  1. Skirt – Asos 2. Shirt – Dollz Kill 3. Shoes – Dollz Kill  4.Jacket – Asos

2. 40 Year Old Cougar, Second Divorce:

She’s strong, she’s not quite independent, and she LOVVVVVEEESSSS leopard print.

  1. Dress – Asos 2. Stockings – Princess Polly 3. Shoes – Asos 4. Young Boyfriend – Seeking Arrangements

3. Hipster Kermit The Frog

Like regular Kermit the Frog but you roll your eyes a lot more.

  1. Kermit the Frog Costume – Ebay 2. Fake Septum Piercing – Princess Polly 3. Frappuccino – Starbucks 4. Vegan Doc Martens – The Iconic

4. PotOOOOOOOO

Named after the famous stallion, PotOOOOOOOO is one of the easiest and most classic costumes of the century.

 

  1. Horse Mask – Ebay 2. Cowboy Boot – Asos 3. Pot Plant – Ikea 4. Wooden O (x8) – Typo

5. I Don’t Want To Be At This Party

Make a statement by turning up at a party you don’t want to go to wearing this.

  1. Shirt – Amazon 2. Jeggings – Target 3. Shoes – Platypus 4. Escape – Uber

 

*On a side note, I don’t make any commission from any of these links so all these opinions are my own hey, classic Liana.