Cin and Liana take Vietnam part two: did you even Vietnam?

Did you even go to Vietnam if you didn’t:

 

1. Get your own tailor made dress

2. Buy a knock off designer bag

3. Bicycle around town whilst fearing for your life

4. Have cocktails brought to you while sitting on the beach

5. Have cocktails brought to you while sitting at the pool

6. Have cocktails brought to you pretty much anywhere

7. Try to barter at the markets and realise you’re complaining about the equivalent of 20 cents

8. Walk down creepy alleyways

9. Continually eat food without having any clue what’s actually in it

10. Take hundreds of photos of lanterns

11. Be sad when you see all the adorable street dogs and know that you can’t pat them

12. Get sunburnt

Cin and Liana take Vietnam part one: what the phở?

Today I’d like to share with you all are very important piece of information that our travel agent failed to ever mention. If you ever want to visit Vietnam you need to have your visa pre-approved BEFORE you leave Australia.

Which is what lead us to running over to Flight Centre 45 minutes before boarding, paying out over $200 each, and freaking the hell out as the time ticked by to get an emergency pre-approval.

Luckily, going through customs with an Australian passport only takes seconds now. There’s no exit forms anymore, your passport goes through this cool scanner thing which is almost instant and before you know it, they’re letting you leave the country. Pretty cool right?

Fast forward eight hours and we’re in Changi Airport. Other than the obvious post plane ride dump (don’t pretend you don’t know EXACTLY what I’m talking about) the first thing we did was head to find a Starbucks. I guess you could say we’re super cultured because for breakfast obviously the best choice was also Maccas – hash browns anyone?

We walked into a few duty free stores, realising that most of this stuff we could just buy as knock offs once we hit Vietnam, and that the duty free prices weren’t really any better than prices back home.

However the highlight of Changi Airport (terminal 2 specifically) had to be the roof top sunflower garden. WHY WAS IT THERE? I don’t even care I was literally so happy to see these gorgeous flowers I didn’t even care that the temperatures were in the mid thirties with humidity so high you sweat from the moment you step outside. It didn’t matter. THERE WERE SO MANY SUNFLOWERS.

A quick bathroom stop, and before we know it we’re on our way to Da Nang, or as the airport code would suggest DAD.  All is well as we travel over and have our third breakfast for the day.

It isn’t until we arrive at the airport that we realise we were meant to get passport photos taken for our visas in singapore. Oh shit.  We stand there overtired, trying to talk to a guy with very little English, who luckily after handing over who knows how much Vietnamese dong, comes back with visas in our passports, ready to be let into the country.

Next, we’re outside the airport with our driver ready to take us to the hotel.  We were pretty soon to discover this country really doesn’t have any road rules. It’s simply just honk constantly and hope for the best. We drove past a literal scarecrow being used as a road works conductor, saw people driving down the wrong side of the road and found 90% of drivers were on motorbikes or mopeds (Macklemore would love it).

At the hotel in 34 degree heat, we strip into our swimmers as fast as possible and jump straight into the pool, ordering multiple cocktails immediately, which during happy hour were as cheap as AU$3.50!!!!

Now that we’re here, bring on the good times Hoi An!

Brisbane Girl Deceived By Coriander Hating Boyfriend

(Image source: Cairns Post, Brendan Radke)

A Brisbane girl was sent into a state of distress when her boyfriend threatened to remove her chilli garlic olives from their shopping if she didn’t take back a coriander plant.

18-year-old Jasmin Watters was collecting potted herbs at her local Coles with Lachlan Fuller when she noticed coriander was on sale.

“I picked it up and he literally told me he’d put back my chilli garlic olives if I didn’t put the plant back,” Ms Watters said.

Ms Watters was shaken by the event and didn’t believe Mr Fuller even knew the difference between coriander and parsley.

“I know I definitely don’t.”

When informed coriander was simply a type of parsley, Mr Fuller’s words spoke for themselves.

“I like parsley,” Mr Fuller said.

“I used to eat it off the bush at Nanna’s.”

Close friend and co-worker of Ms Watters, Shannon Taylor, said Mr Fuller is a liar.

“He lied,” Ms Taylor said.

Another co-worker and expert in deception, Demi Leigh, agreed with Ms Taylor, saying Mr Fuller was a traitor.

“Lachlan fuller more like Lachlan full of lies,” Ms Leigh said.

Ms Watters plans on returning to her local Coles to purchase the herbs at a later date.

Please take me seriously

Elle Woods is one of my all time favourite movie characters. Not just because Legally Blonde is full of classic one liners, or the fact it introduced me to the “Bend and Snap.” But because despite the fact that so many people made snap judgements about Elle based purely on appearance and personality, she was still able to strive for success.

I relate a lot to her. There is no reason why Elle shouldn’t have got into Harvard. She has a 4.0 GPA – the equivalent to straight 7’s or HDs. That’s amazing. And it doesn’t matter what course you’re studying, every career path is just as valuable as each other. Without fashion students we wouldn’t have wardrobes full of clothes. Without film students the cinemas would be empty. Those sorts of grades are amazing no matter what you study.

Elle got a 179 on the LSATs. I know from watching Suits, getting that kind of score is next to impossible. So once again, Elle is incredible!  But people just look at her, see blonde, boobs, and over-the-top girly. And that’s it, a judgement is made and everything else is totally disregarded.


(source: giphy.com)

I remember last year in one of my lectures, while I was going through my rainbow hair stage, the lecturer looked right at me as she suggested to the class a story on “why is purple hair still a thing” was a good idea.

I’m pretty notoriously late to social events. People who’ve known me for a while know to give me a time half an hour earlier than I’m actually meant to be there and so there’s a chance I may show up on time. On more than one occasion people have told me if I didn’t spend so much time on my makeup and appearance I wouldn’t be so late to things.

I really like making people laugh. I don’t mind being the butt of jokes if it means I can put a smile on someone’s face. Sometimes I’ll say the stupidest things out loud without really thinking it through first, at the chance it might make someone laugh. If I’m the class clown then I’m totally fine with that. Really the entirety of blog is a prime example of that.


(source: tumblr.com)

But I guess there’s a side to me a lot of people don’t see. I’m no Elle Woods, but my GPA isn’t bad. The course I’m currently studying required an OP 6 to get in. I spend three years studying the International Baccalaureate which in short, is really fucking hard.  I’m not saying I’m some kind of prodigy genius – that couldn’t be any less from the truth – but people have a tendency to just look at me and make a snap judgement.

Nearly everyone I’ve encountered in my course works really hard. I’m missing 5 weeks of classes out of a 12 week semester from doing extra work and internships. While interning at Channel Ten, there wasn’t a single day I was late. In fact most days I seriously overcompensated for traffic and got in before any of the actual journalists. I guess no one there really questioned how I’d done my hair and make up because of the fact that most days you end up standing in front of a camera. Also no one ever really questioned how serious I was because I pretty much got thrown into actually working for them when Cyclone Debbie hit.

Although no one’s ever really directly said it, I’ve definitely had people imply I may not be suited to hard news. You know, without ever actually seeing any sort of hard news I’ve produced. I guess they read some of my posts here and decide you can’t be writing Buzzfeed style listicles and also be able to report on things like murder cases? (I would post a link here to my Tialeigh Palmer story but my voice is really bad, so better not). 

In reality, I don’t know where I’m going to end up at the end of this year. I have 6 months left and then it’s out into the real world.  All I can hope is people out there in the real world know, no matter what my hair colour is, no matter how much make up I feel like wearing that day, no matter what stupid shit post I come up with next, I should be taken just as seriously as anyone else out there.

Oh and here’s a pelican yawning cause this post got too real.


(source: reddit.com)

Look we all already know who won…

Are you a European song contest? Cause you’re a vision!

THE VERY REAL AND NOT ENTIRELY MADE UP BUDGET: LEAKED!!!

The Australian Federal Government will be releasing the nations budget this evening, but luckily due to my mind reading and precognition abilities I am able to bring to you now, an in depth analysis of winners and losers of this very very real budget.

THE WINNERS

Coffee lovers everywhere are rejoicing as the government will now be subsidising one large coffee per person per work day to help maintain productivity, especially for the early starters. For the sick people who don’t like coffee, the subsidy can also be used on other cafe beverages such as Chai Lattes or the Humble Hot Chocolate.


(source: junkee.com)

A more controversial winner is Australia’s beloved Ibis’s, more commonly known as Bin Chickens. The $2 billion Bin Chicken Break will provide the long beaked fowls with extra bins across the nation filled with juices, reminiscent of their previous homes.

Those studying for the citizenship test can count their blessings, although some say it’s a bloody outrage, with $400,000 going towards a colloquialism training course. The course will have future Australian’s asking you to chuck a u-ey at the servo to drop into the bottle-o on the way to maccas before you open your first tinny of the night.


(source: buzzfeed.com) 

The forcibly removed tax is the most controversial of them all. It’ll allow airlines to remove four taxes from their flights and replace them with the employee tax. What is shocking is the means in which airlines will be allowed to remove the taxes. Airport security is permitted to drag the taxes down the plane aisles, leaving them bloodied and beaten. Taxes wearing leggings will also be prevented from boarding.

THE LOSERS

The bigoted Australian’s will be the hardest hit by this new budget, with the sexism tax jumping to a massive 23 cents per dollar for businesses that pay based on gender. Similarly the racists of our nation will be carrying a whopping 15% tax for their inability to perform actual human decency.

Coriander lovers (the whole 12 of them) are really going to feel it in their back pocket as the prestigious herb see’s a special unwanted flavouring tax costing Australian’s who purchase the herb a minimum of $20 per leaf. Kale lovers will also suffer, though the more commonly eaten purple leaf will only see a 20 cent increase per leaf. 


(source: videezy.com) 

The department of self-realisation is suffering a massive hit with $50 million of funding being cut from the “self-discovery” program which sent many Instagram bloggers over to asian countries to “experience culture” and become more self-aware.  The program already came under scrutiny when a twenty-year-old female recently returned from India without feeling anymore in tune with her spirit.


(source: buzzfeed.com)

And finally, Clive Palmer is one of the biggest losers this budget with the new dog grog tax which will see an extra 11% tax on dog specific alcohol.
Disgusted
Watermelon wine
Dog is on the grog
No more
Hamburger

Lightning McQueen: A Car, An Assassin, A Vigilante.

Whether its that dash of red zooming past on the race course, or the bright yellow 95 above the lightning bolt, or the distinctive sound of Ka-Chow, Lighning McQueen is one recognisable vehicle.

Mr. McQueen has touched many lives through his inspiring journey on and off the race course since his silver screen debut in 2006.  However there is a side to the anthropomorphic stock car which many of us have never seen.  A close friend of McQueen, Jo O’Neill, has revealed never before heard information about their four-wheeled friend.


(source: wikipedia.com) 

Jo first met McQueen during primary school education, and although most of the other participants were of a young age, McQueen was something special.

“He’s actually an immortal being and has never been a child, and he will never be elderly,” Jo said.

It makes life tough for McQueen as none of McQueen’s friends, human or automotive, have suffered the same fate.

“He has to carry this burden alone.”

It saddens Jo to talk about the fact McQueen’s predicament of never ageing extends beyond his friendships and into his romantic life.

“He actually has an irresistible sexual aura that overpowers everyone around him so he has chosen to remain celibate so as to avoid taking advantage of anyone.”

Just like any regular human or car, sometimes the loneliness can become too much. McQueen has a dark secret. His deepest discomposure is framed with a gun loaded with a silver bullet.

“He killed Abraham Lincoln”

Although shocking to hear, McQueens assassination history was paramount to the filming of the most recent Cars movie. Using the same method as with Lincoln, McQueen was required to kill an evil version of himself from an alternate universe.

“It wasn’t actually supposed to be in the film but the evil clone showed up and McQueen had to,

“He’s a hero of the people but he isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty,

“Sometimes you need a vigilante to do what a clean cut hero won’t.”

Although Jo does not have much opportunity to see McQueen outside of big family events and drag races these days, Jo describes every moment spent with him as euphoric.

“The english language is far too inferior to explain the essence of Mr. McQueen.”

To Jo, childhood friend McQueen will never be just like any other car.

“He’s a car with a face that can talk”

And now the world knows, he’s also a hero.

Solid Travel Advice I Sent My Friend When I Was Drunk

Picture this, late on a Thursday night, several drinks in (I would hate to count) preparing myself for the long weekend. Suddenly, I am reminded my friend is boarding on a plane the next day, so the obvious response would be to send a long winded list of travelling tips, from me, someone who’s gone ~ travelling ~ once in my life.

Turns out I give great advice so it would be selfish for me to only share with one person. Here’s the version without all the typos (and oddly placed emojis) and a little extra on what sober me thinks drunk me was going on about.

1. Don’t let them kick you off the plane


(source: frinkiac.com)

Timely, considering the whole United Airways situation.

2. Take loads of photos, sell them on the internet


(source: hulu.com) 

The specific amount mentioned was 10$ but I’m not sure if it’s meant to be 10 photos or selling them for $10. The world works in mysterious ways.

3. Return a changed man, have a sportily reawaken (???)


(source: youblewit.bandcamp.com)

I mean this is just in general good advice for going anywhere. As for a sportily reawaken? I can only assume this means finding yourself through sport. An odd concept but I support it.

4. Don’t remove any organs


(source: peteneems.com)

I’d apply this to every organ except for the appendix, if you want that gone be my guest.

5. Prepare the PowerPoint for when you get back with all the photos and lots of stuff to talk about


(source: robertosgifs.com)

Keynote and Prezi are also acceptable forms of this assignment I’m now setting for everyone. Please use APA referencing.

6. Don’t!!! Di3!!!


(source: bantampsycho.tumblr.com)

I think the most important part of this is the use of the number 3. It takes it from a standard message of not dying and triples it.

7. Don’t volunteer to fly the plane. This is not going to end well you don’t have your pilot license. DO NOT FLY THE PLANE YOU HAVEN’T TAKEN THE PILOT TEST WOW I can’t fucking believe you would just fly a plane.


(source: reddit.com) 

If you are a pilot, skip this step.

8. Don’t sell your soul for $5


(source: frinkiac.com) 

We can all learn from Bart Simpson.

9. Do sell finger nail clippings


(source: giphy.com)

Look this is just down right terrible advice, please don’t do this.

10. Have the tea but not the one laced with cocaine, oh no that’s how you get a drug addiction such a bright future and all ruined with the drugs very sad story


(source: diditmarketing.tumblr.com) 

I mean it’s probably best to avoid tea laced with cocaine but between you and me, I don’t think I know how drug addiction works….

11. Don’t give birth while you’re there it won’t be ideal just avoid at all costs, if you want to give birth do it in New Zealand


(source: comicvine.com)

I’m not sure why New Zealand is the right country to be giving birth but I trust myself enough to go with it.

12. Fly safe blimpy boy


(source: simpsonsworld.com) 

Someone (me) has been watching way too much Simpsons lately.