Okay, so 10, not 50, but there’s not crazy movie starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore titled 10 First Dates and it really doesn’t have the same ring to it. Here it is, 10 first dates, the good, the bad, and the so horrendously awful even thinking about it makes me nauseas.
1. The First First
There is a first time for doing everything; inhaling oxygen, eating yours vegetables, and of course going on a date. And just like breathing and eating your vegetables for the first time you don’t really know what to expect. Perhaps the first vegetable you eat is peas and although they’re not the most pleasurable vegetable out there you figure this must be normal. It isn’t until later on when you discover corn that you realise there are definitely better vegetables out there.
This is a pretty accurate summary for first date number one. Although the conversation wasn’t all that particularly awkward, I don’t think any girl likes to be told about all the amazing plans the person you’re sitting across from has with some other girl while you’re sitting there sipping a latte that you ended up having to pay for…
2. The You’d Be Better as a Friend First
I’m pretty tolerant to the fact that not everyone you meet up with is going to be a good match romantically. Although the physical attraction might be there, you might not always connect on other levels. Isn’t finding this out the point of dating after all?
First date number two was with someone who I happened to meet around a year earlier out at a club and just happened to find on Tinder. We both thought it was pretty funny and even tracked down an old club photo that we both were in.
Going to the same uni made it easy to meet up, but after the disaster of the last date, I had pretty low expectations. We grabbed coffee, got to chatting, and actually had good conversation. We got along pretty well but it became obvious fast that we would have been better off as friends.
Unfortunately guys don’t really like to hear that and so after a few weeks and cancelled plans the conversation completely died and we didn’t get a chance to hang out again.
3. The Two Hours Late First
In this person’s defence, I was also running late. I’d been kept back at work but as soon as I knew I rescheduled for later in the afternoon, only being about half an hour later than we’d planned for.
I got there sent a text letting him now I was where we’d planned to meet. To which I found out he hadn’t even left home yet. So I waited… and waited… and waited…
Eventually (two hours later) he finally shows up and makes me walk for ages to find a cafe that’s still open. Despite the false start we still ended up getting along pretty well so we agreed to hang out again.
I should have taken a hint from the two hour delay that this person was useless at making plans, and because of this meeting up again never happened.
4. The We Are Clearly Not On The Same Page First
There was a time when I was young, naive, and had faith in humanity. I honestly believed that people asking you out meant that they genuinely wanted to spend time with you, get to know you, and maybe eventually form into a relationship. Haha, those were the days…
Now agreeing to meet up with someone in the middle of the day to grab a coffee doesn’t naturally lend itself to going back to someone’s house for sex. I felt like it was pretty safe to assume that if you want to see me in the middle of the day, that’s not what you’re looking for.
Clearly I’ve been wrong before.
Where I thought I was being taken out for the reasons aforementioned, it took meeting up at a club, a failed attempt at being sexted, and eventually an explicit ask for me to have sex with this person for me to take the hint… this guy wasn’t interested in dating. I repeat, I was young and naive back then.
5. The I’m Actually Taken First
Before anyone cries home-wrecker, this technically wasn’t a date. It was more of a walks like a date talks like a date situation. Also I needed to include this to reach 10.
What started as me meeting up with a friend for birthday drinks ended up with me watching the sunrise on a ferry dock with some guy who I knew I couldn’t go home with. Eventually we parted ways, attempted to stay in contact ‘as friends’ (haha, good one) until a few weeks later I found myself blocked and deleted on all social media. First time for everything right?
6. The Extremely Awkward Beyond Belief First
Thank god for alcohol. If I hadn’t already been drinking for quite some time previously that night I don’t think I would have been able to survive the suffering caused by this date. This guy was a bit older than me, in fact older than what I’d usually go for but I agreed to give it a go because I figured it would mean he would be more mature than guys closer to my age.
Once again, I’ve been wrong before.
I don’t think I’ve ever had to put so much effort into holding running a conversation because this guy gave me nothing. I tried really hard to keep up the small talk but eventually it became too much so I decided I was tired and went home. Terrible 0/10
7. The Actually Really Good First
YAY! Finally! Too bad this guy ended up being a massive fuckboy! Dammit!
I should have picked up on this earlier but I was just so surprised by the fact this date was actually really enjoyable and I wasn’t rushing to get home like I was used to. Faith in humanity was temporarily restored!
8. The Drunk First
Now I’m pretty much always down for a drink, especially if I’m not paying for them. Totally cool if you want to have a couple before hanging out, I mean alcohol is expensive so why not pre-drink?
However turning up to a date completely wasted? Not cute. I don’t think I need to elaborate any further on this one.
9. The How Many Times Will We Match Before Going Out First
Pretty much as the title says, I managed to match with this same person multiple times on multiple dating apps, with the most recent match leading to him almost instantly sending me “lets just go get dinner already.”
Dinner ended up being a couple of hours of not overly awkward small talk, which took an unexpected turn when he told me “you know, you’re meant to try and impress people on dates,” being the good sport I am led to me sarcastically replying “oh really, see I was just relying on my good looks.”
10. The Worst First
Part of my goals for 2017 – as cliché as it is – was to try to be more open to more people and opportunities as they come along instead of saying no all the time. Unfortunately this severely backfired on me when I agreed to meet this person for ice-cream late on a Monday night simply because we lived really close to each other.
Having to repeat what I was studying, the fact I worked casually, and that I’d gone home sick that day around 5 times each while this guy bragged about how rich he was (casually dropping that he owned a Chrysler and several investment properties) was already painful enough. However the icing on the cake was when he asked me about my tattoo on my leg. explained what it was and went to ask if he had any, which lead to the following conversation:
Him: “No, I don’t really approve of them, it’s an Italian thing”
Me: “That’s great, I’m also Italian and I have 4”
Him: “Oh well my mum doesn’t really approve of them”
Me: “Neither does my mum but that doesn’t stop me. I also have 7 piercings”
Him: “I just don’t really like them”
Amazingly enough after the longest 30 minutes of my life when I finally got out of there I received a message asking if I would see him again. HAHA, NOPE.