Solid Travel Advice I Sent My Friend When I Was Drunk

Picture this, late on a Thursday night, several drinks in (I would hate to count) preparing myself for the long weekend. Suddenly, I am reminded my friend is boarding on a plane the next day, so the obvious response would be to send a long winded list of travelling tips, from me, someone who’s gone ~ travelling ~ once in my life.

Turns out I give great advice so it would be selfish for me to only share with one person. Here’s the version without all the typos (and oddly placed emojis) and a little extra on what sober me thinks drunk me was going on about.

1. Don’t let them kick you off the plane


Timely, considering the whole United Airways situation.

2. Take loads of photos, sell them on the internet


The specific amount mentioned was 10$ but I’m not sure if it’s meant to be 10 photos or selling them for $10. The world works in mysterious ways.

3. Return a changed man, have a sportily reawaken (???)


I mean this is just in general good advice for going anywhere. As for a sportily reawaken? I can only assume this means finding yourself through sport. An odd concept but I support it.

4. Don’t remove any organs


I’d apply this to every organ except for the appendix, if you want that gone be my guest.

5. Prepare the PowerPoint for when you get back with all the photos and lots of stuff to talk about


Keynote and Prezi are also acceptable forms of this assignment I’m now setting for everyone. Please use APA referencing.

6. Don’t!!! Di3!!!


I think the most important part of this is the use of the number 3. It takes it from a standard message of not dying and triples it.

7. Don’t volunteer to fly the plane. This is not going to end well you don’t have your pilot license. DO NOT FLY THE PLANE YOU HAVEN’T TAKEN THE PILOT TEST WOW I can’t fucking believe you would just fly a plane.


If you are a pilot, skip this step.

8. Don’t sell your soul for $5


We can all learn from Bart Simpson.

9. Do sell finger nail clippings


Look this is just down right terrible advice, please don’t do this.

10. Have the tea but not the one laced with cocaine, oh no that’s how you get a drug addiction such a bright future and all ruined with the drugs very sad story


I mean it’s probably best to avoid tea laced with cocaine but between you and me, I don’t think I know how drug addiction works….

11. Don’t give birth while you’re there it won’t be ideal just avoid at all costs, if you want to give birth do it in New Zealand


I’m not sure why New Zealand is the right country to be giving birth but I trust myself enough to go with it.

12. Fly safe blimpy boy


Someone (me) has been watching way too much Simpsons lately.

10 Guys You Will DEFINITELY Date In Your Lifetime

Co-Authored by Emily Lighezzolo

1. A Mafia Member


At first his underground connections to organised crime will have your heart throbbing. But when he ends up in a court trial that goes for 7 years and ends with him spending another 10 in jail… he just wasn’t who you thought he was.

2. The Guy Who Lives Overseas So You Have To Do A Long Distance Relationship So It’s Never Gonna Work


As much as you convince yourself that love can concur all, the fact that English is not his first language and your whit and sarcasm often leaves him starring at your blankly as your slurp through an entree of escargot is probably the main reason this won’t work. The distance thing…. eh.

3. Lana Del Rey’s Biggest Fan


Have you heard Lana Del Rey is releasing a new album? Of course you have you’re dating her biggest fan!  The downfall is when it’s choosing between going out for your six month anniversary or staying up until 2am because Lana Del Rey is about to go live on instagram? I doubt you’ll make it to six months anyway.

4. A Rocket Scientist


But it won’t impress you much.

5. The Albino Who Can’t Go Out Into The Sun


It’s unfortunate that his lack of pigmentation means he is never able to leave the shade. It makes doing montage worthy activities such as beach trips and mini golf next to impossible. It also constantly leaves you questioning if he’s actually just a vampire?

6. An Actual Vampire


For a fact we know this one is a vampire. What makes it difficult is he loves the smell of your blood but has to resist because he’s a vegetarian vampire (and by vegetarian he means he still eats meat just not human meat and clearly doesn’t know what vegetarian means). Also somehow has mafia connections but they’re a little more obscure than the first person. Also he sparkles in the sun? Wait I think I read this in a book once…

7. The Confused Boy


He honestly has no idea what is going on ever. And not in a cute “why do I have to take economics when I’m a marketing major” kind of way. He’s genuinely so confused about everything. Don’t ask him what he wants to eat or how he’s feeling because he actually doesn’t know. Sometimes he cries in cubby houses.

8. Imaginary Boy



9.  That Guy Who Loves The Oxford Comma More Than He Will Ever Love You


Perhaps the best off this list. Sadly though, between eating pancakes, riding bicycles, and reading books in your Zoeey Deschanel-esque perfect relationship, the moment you forget that oxford comma it’s over. Doesn’t matter that you’re inebriated while you’re texting; no oxford comma, no love. He has it tattooed on his heart, he loves that oxford comma.

10.  Spiderman


He’s friendly. He’s neighbourhood. He’s Spiderman.  Positive qualities include ignoring wealth and fame. The downside is action is his reward… well sweetie, guess what kind of action he’s talking about. And it’s not just you, it’s the whole neighbourhood. Damn you Spiderman!

A Week In The Life of An Intern

This week commenced my first week of working at a real news studio working with actual real life journalists and trying to do real actual adult things. I was absolutely terrified.



I started the week totally overcompensating for traffic time as I headed up Mount Coot-Tha to the channel Ten studios where I managed to beat pretty much all of the actual journalists in.

Having done radio headlines for around 5 months now I figured the transition over to TV would be a breeze. After all I’d done my week’s praxis at uni and found out I got better than the average grade of my cohort, this was going to be a walk in the park right?


I headed out to court with Lauren Day, who was so confident and knowledgable in all things journalism I started to feel super intimidated.

It was around about 11:30am, after sitting in court since maybe 9am when I noticed my body start to cramp up.


Perfect timing body. Because there’s nothing better than having to get up in the middle of a court hearing with your giant ass bag to try and discretely go to the bathroom? All while knowing there’s a high chance you could miss something major? EXCELLENT.

Sometime after 12, I noticed Lauren had managed to piece together her entire package perfectly.

What? – How? That took no time at all? And it all sounded so perfect? She nailed it without even trying?


Watching her stand outside the magistrates court and give the most perfect piece to camera without even stuttering, really reiterated the fact that I am just a student. Although she has years and years of experience, and all I have is one week of QUT News up my sleeve I still was mesmerised by how effortlessly she could just do her job?

How could I possibly ever reach the standard of these people?


I think one of the main reasons I love this type of work is you really never know what to expect.
For example, I never expected that my Tuesday would be spent running around various Brisbane cemeteries.

It wasn’t until later in the week that I realised the person I headed out with, Lachlan Kennedy, was… kind of a big deal?


Getting to talk to Lachlan and find out that even for someone who’s a senior journalist who has been reporting for years and years, he still has days where he feels like he doesn’t know what he’s doing.  And perhaps the beauty of the fact that no two days are the same, is no matter how much or how little experience you have, you can still get hit with curveballs.



Feeling a lot better after Tuesday, I was once again eager to head out on the road. Teaming up with Kristina Costalos, with a story on a breakthrough medication for psoriasis SORE-EYE-SIS.

It seemed like before we even left the studio, Kristina knew exactly what her package was going to look like, only seeking to get the right quotes from the right people.

Although a solid part of my day was spent once again minding the equipment, watching how a completely different journalist put together a completely different story was educational enough that I didn’t even mind when a person we were interviewing quite literally threw their umbrella at me.




I decided pretty early on that I wanted to make the most of my time at Ten which would include pushing myself out of my comfort zone.

This is what lead to me spending Thursday morning down at the Broncos club and realising that even if I did have a solid interest in NRL, an average day for a sports reporting is actually super boring.


Imagine this, sitting around for 2 hours while you’re allowed to gather 15 minutes of footage, as a bunch of sweaty dudes run around throwing and catching a ball while you’re waiting for some footballer to mumble their way through a press conference.  HOW EXCITING.


I may be speaking a little too generally here, but footballers are not great speakers. I tried to listen in as the sports experts dropped names left right and centre – all going completely over my head – but I could barely hear a thing as Wayne Bennet was so softly spoken while he mumbled across his words.

In saying that, my hat goes off to how much knowledge sports journalist have to have – I hope you enjoy all those training sessions spent waiting around for hours.



I teamed up with a video journalist on Friday to once again try something different. He informed me early on that we were headed out to “bum fuck nowhere” (which apparently is another name for the Lockyer Valley) via Wivenhoe Dam.

Damn – We were in for a long road trip. Two and a half hours each way to be exact.


I was grateful to once again be paired with a super friendly journalist, who had studied journalism at the same university as me, laughing at the fact that some of the older teachers were still there.

After a short stop at the dam, a bathroom break in the creepiest public restroom in literally in the middle of no where, we eventually made it to Hidden Vale to see a bunch of animals.

It’s possible that I may have scared Brendan Savage as I got overly excited at the sight of so many reptiles and almost started tearing up when I saw the smallest the most adorable furry little creature – a Mahogany Glider.

After a few short interviews we headed back on the road, stopping once again in the middle of no where, where I discovered the dejero – or as they like to call it, the DJ.  Basically, this insane device which can send video footage back to the news room from pretty much ANYWHERE… has science gone too far?

I don’t think the week could have ended any better, finishing working on what was easily the light and fluffy story of the night.


It’s funny how originally I was so scared to do the work that I’ve been studying so hard to make a career out of, where as now what I fear is the reality of going back to uni and working my retail job when I’ve had one of the best weeks of my life so far.  And with one more to go, I look forward to what the days will bring me.

5 Costume Party Ideas That Don’t Have Sexy In The Title

Everyone likes to attend costume parties but everyone is sick of your Green Mario or Sexy Nurse costumes and get creative.*

1. The Shine Man:

The Shine Man, not very famous but extremely shiny.

  1. Skirt – Asos 2. Shirt – Dollz Kill 3. Shoes – Dollz Kill  4.Jacket – Asos

2. 40 Year Old Cougar, Second Divorce:

She’s strong, she’s not quite independent, and she LOVVVVVEEESSSS leopard print.

  1. Dress – Asos 2. Stockings – Princess Polly 3. Shoes – Asos 4. Young Boyfriend – Seeking Arrangements

3. Hipster Kermit The Frog

Like regular Kermit the Frog but you roll your eyes a lot more.

  1. Kermit the Frog Costume – Ebay 2. Fake Septum Piercing – Princess Polly 3. Frappuccino – Starbucks 4. Vegan Doc Martens – The Iconic


Named after the famous stallion, PotOOOOOOOO is one of the easiest and most classic costumes of the century.


  1. Horse Mask – Ebay 2. Cowboy Boot – Asos 3. Pot Plant – Ikea 4. Wooden O (x8) – Typo

5. I Don’t Want To Be At This Party

Make a statement by turning up at a party you don’t want to go to wearing this.

  1. Shirt – Amazon 2. Jeggings – Target 3. Shoes – Platypus 4. Escape – Uber


*On a side note, I don’t make any commission from any of these links so all these opinions are my own hey, classic Liana.

Hottie One Hundy Tunes From When I Was a Teeny Bopper

Here you go, the hottest tunes that came out between the years of 2007 – 2013, my teeny bopper years (13-19). Take this moment to note that these were my solid emo years so there are going to be a lot of ~depressing~ songs on this list. If you’ve got a problem with the list, send me a fax complaining.

You’re welcome.

100. What Makes You Beautiful – One Direction

The Spice Girls of the modern age also known as One Direction shout out to girls with low self esteem by putting down confident ones. Classic.

99. Don’t Stop Believing – Glee Cast

I bet you forgot about Glee. You’re welcome.

98. Hey Boys and Girls (Truth of The World) – Evermore

What ever happened to Evermore?

97. You Used To Hold Me – Calvin Harris

Before Taylor Swift, before all those big name collabs. Before everything.

96. Practise Makes Perfect – Cute Is What We Aim For

First emo/punk-pop band of the list. Low score because The Curse of Curves is their best song but it came out too early to be on this list.

95. Almost Lover – A Fine Frenzy

As a 14 year old I knew all about heart break and emotions so this song just really ~ got me ~

94. Yes – LMFAO

“Grandmas cookin breakfast she makes pancakes the best
I check my myspace and I got alotta friend requests #YES”

93. I Love It – Hilltop Hoods ft. Sia

Remember when Sia did a song with The Hilltop Hoods? She had a face back then.

92. Make Me Wanna Die – The Pretty Reckless

Jenny Humphrey leaves Gossip Girl to become a full time emo. This song was relatable because high school makes me want to die.

91. We Are Young – Fun.

When you think about it, in comparison I was much much younger than the people in this band when this song came out. So who is the real young one?

Survival Kit For Those Attending Uni For The First Or One Hundredth Time

1. Befriend The Bartender


Trust me, when times are tough the bartenders will be there for you. They’ll supply you with endless amounts of alcohol to numb the pain in exchange for money. If you’re really attractive lucky you might get a freebie on your birthday.

2. Put Aside $1,050 For Your Coffee Fund


Look I’ve done a lot of calculations taking into consideration the exponential increase in caffeine consumption during peak semester periods and this is the exact amount you’ll need (based off the unfortunately person who attends 5 days a week, spending an average of $5 a cup).  No don’t stop drinking coffee and save money, trust me drink the coffee.

3. Get Netflix, and Stan, and Presto, and hulu, and HBO etc.


You’re not gonna want to be that one person who has nothing to contribute to the conversation because you were like “ha! I only need Netflix!” NO. You need them all. YOU ARE MISSING OUT.

4. You Need To Set Aside at Least 24 Hours Procrastination Time Per Assignment


“But Liana, I have weekly assignments for one of my courses!” I literally do not care I’m sick of your excuses, please go and waste 24 hours every week! Why do you think you’re subscribed to so many streaming services?



Literally do you want to be that person at parties who’s like “sorry guys you’ll have to listen to this stupid ad followed by 10 songs that I can’t skip cause I’m a cheapskate and don’t care about helping musicians.”  Literally its only $11.99? If you like bargains get apple music, it’s $5.99 for students. If you don’t have an iPhone your problems are much deeper than we first thought.

6. Join Clubs


This is probably the only really useful tip I’ll give you.  Chances are your faculty will have some sort of club and most of those clubs will have a launch party and launch parties generally have bar tabs. Even if this is the only event you attend its worth it for the free alcohol. Also a great opportunity to meet bartenders (aka your new best friends).

7. Find Out Where The 24-Hour Labs Are Because This is Your New Home


Bring some photos of your loved ones with you because this is where you will be living. Don’t worry most of them have comfy couches and vending machines. If you search hard enough you’ll probably find showers. You’re set for life.

8. Don’t Watch Porn in Lectures


Honestly this shouldn’t even need to be here,  yet on more than one occasion have I been in a lecture theatre where all of a sudden you can hear loud moaning followed by someone realising their earphones weren’t plugged in, quickly shutting their laptop, and running out of the room…

9. The Library Has Books In It, Most Likely The Textbooks You Need…


I know its wild, a library with books? Unheard of. But chances are those $100 textbooks that you most likely don’t even need are sitting in there, silently whispering “borrow me! borrow me!” Free them.

10. When An Opportunity Arises, Take It


For example, if you happen to be at the races and you happen to run into your law tutor and they happen to offer to do cocaine with you… I’m not saying I condone this but you’ve got some mad blackmail on your side for when they try to fail you (thank you Stalkerspace).

11. You’re Probably Going To Fail Assessments That You Thought Were Really Good Because Kingas Is Out To Get You


Fuck you kingas

12. Invest in Gym Gear


Not because you’re going to the gym, but because it’s super comfy and it’ll make people think you actually exercise. Your attempts to always look good at uni will die super fast when you realise that an extra half an hour of sleep is more important than your brows being “on point”

13. Don’t Get Fooled By The “I’ll watch it Online” Trap


No you won’t. Stop lying to yourself, you’re never watching that lecture. You might briefly look at the slides but there is no way you’re actually going to watch that lecture (and for good reason it was probably a waste of time anyway).

14. Please Do Not Bring Your Senior Jersey With You


All this says is “I peaked in high school” and everything’s only going to go downhill for you. I’m so sorry for your loss.

15. Don’t Be That Piece of Trash Who “Doesn’t Believe in Social Media”


You’re going to end up in a group assignment with 2-4 people who want to kill you because you’re not contactable. Just make a stupid Facebook profile with no photo, whatever, I don’t care just don’t be that person.


20 Ways To Impress Your Significant Other on Days That Weren’t Invented By Hallmark

Now that Valentines/Hallmark/Singles awareness day has passed it is important to remember that being in love is a full time unpaid job which requires many hours of commitment and several expensive presents. Below are some great ways you can really impress your significant other on any regular day of the year.


  1. Substitute your dozen roses for a dozen noses or a dozen toeses (also consider a dozen Moses’)
  2. Record yourself reading Gone Girl but then put a chipmunk filter over your voice because love is scary but also funny
  3. Trade one of your most valuable Pokemon cards because love is all about sacrifice


  4. Make a twitter account and write a haiku about your significant other every day
  5. Do your makeup in a way that matches their favourite flavour of ice cream (easy mode: Neapolitan, hard mode: choc chip cookie dough)
  6. Go overseas without telling them but then come home eventually because love is full of surprises
  7. Invent a secret handshake to perform only in public because trust is everything
  8. Sell your soul to them for $5 but make sure you stipulate that it’s non-refundable incase they get disappointed (exchange and store credit are fine).
  9. Shine every pair of shoes you can find, including the ones owned by their parents, always want to impress the parents.
  10. #Auspol and Chill?


  11. Break out into song on random occasions because musicals are romantic and thats what this post is about.
  12. Give them a fondue and say “I’m very fondue of you”
  13. Give them several cats and say “I have felines for you”
  14. Give them some chilli because you want to spice things up
  15. Quoth the raven nevermore
  16. Reenact random scenes from Hamlet as you feel the need, always keep them guessing
  17. Invite their tamagotchi to visit yours(source: 
  18. Instead of candy hearts send romantic Doritos
  19. Don’t pay your electricity bill because your romance should be enough spark
  20. Update your Myspace profile so people know you’re official ?

Interesting Things That Are Happening That Have Nothing To Do With Trump

This is a certified Tr*mp free post, brought to you by me, someone who is sick of only hearing about Tr*mp when lots of other things are happening.

The Serious Stuff (actually using my journalism degree):


  • There has been an electrical explosion at a Paris train station, leaving eight people injured. This is only a few days after an assailant with a machete attacked french soldiers at the Louvre museum before being shot.
  • Somalia has a new president! Abdullahi Mohamed Farmajo (If you ever listen to me on 4ZZZ you would have heard me absolutely fail at saying his name this morning), who is a former Prime Minister and dual citizen with the US. He is already facing scrutiny under allegations that large sums of money were paid to some candidates and rival presidential candidates.
  • Vladamir Putin passed a law decriminalising domestic violence. The amendment states that beating of a spouse or child that causes bruising or bleeding but not broken bones will be punishable by a fine or 15 days in prison, should it happen more than once a year. (Excuse me while I go puke over how awful this is) 
  • British Prime Minister, Theresa May, has the approval from the lower chamber to initiate Britains exit from the European Union. AKA, the UK are actually leaving properly now, no more messing around. It was a landslide vote too, with 494 MP’s voting in favour of the law allowing the leave, and only 122 voting otherwise.

Light and Fluffy (cause real news is scary):


  • The Brisbane City Council has hired two dogs to help protect koalas. Please protect these dogs at all cost. [x]
  • There is a pig named Lilou at San Francisco Airport!!! She is helping people with anxiety fly!  Protect this pig. [x]

Things About Me (my favourite topic):


  • My new house has the numbers spelled out with letters! (Cue Homer Simpson:  Get used to it honey, from now on we’ll be spelling everything with letters!) 
  • While we’re talking about The Simpsons, I saw a car with the license plate “Bort” and I didn’t get a photo so what a tragedy? (Also if you’re into sick license plates check out platesofbrisbane on instagram.)
  • The cafe I’m writing this in is really noisy right now, I am shocked at how busy it is!! (If you’re even in Brisbane CBD, go check out Bean.) 
  • I played Animal Crossing: New Leaf for the first time in 3 years and my characters name is Blair and the town is called Eastside. I hate my dumb Gossip Girl obsessed ass. Surprisingly, the town still looks amazing. Nice.
  • I’ve already had two coffees today. Just a little FYI.

50 First Dates

Okay, so 10, not 50, but there’s not crazy movie starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore titled 10 First Dates and it really doesn’t have the same ring to it.  Here it is, 10 first dates, the good, the bad, and the so horrendously awful even thinking about it makes me nauseas.

1. The First First


There is a first time for doing everything; inhaling oxygen, eating yours vegetables, and of course going on a date. And just like breathing and eating your vegetables for the first time you don’t really know what to expect.  Perhaps the first vegetable you eat is peas and although they’re not the most pleasurable vegetable out there you figure this must be normal. It isn’t until later on when you discover corn that you realise there are definitely better vegetables out there.

This is a pretty accurate summary for first date number one. Although the conversation wasn’t all that particularly awkward, I don’t think any girl likes to be told about all the amazing plans the person you’re sitting across from has with some other girl while you’re sitting there sipping a latte that you ended up having to pay for…

2. The You’d Be Better as a Friend First


I’m pretty tolerant to the fact that not everyone you meet up with is going to be a good match romantically. Although the physical attraction might be there, you might not always connect on other levels. Isn’t finding this out the point of dating after all?

First date number two was with someone who I happened to meet around a year earlier out at a club and just happened to find on Tinder. We both thought it was pretty funny and even tracked down an old club photo that we both were in.

Going to the same uni made it easy to meet up, but after the disaster of the last date, I had pretty low expectations. We grabbed coffee, got to chatting, and actually had good conversation. We got along pretty well but it became obvious fast that we would have been better off as friends.

Unfortunately guys don’t really like to hear that and so after a few weeks and cancelled plans the conversation completely died and we didn’t get a chance to hang out again.

3. The Two Hours Late First


In this person’s defence, I was also running late. I’d been kept back at work but as soon as I knew I rescheduled for later in the afternoon, only being about half an hour later than we’d planned for.

I got there sent a text letting him now I was where we’d planned to meet. To which I found out he hadn’t even left home yet. So I waited… and waited… and waited…

Eventually (two hours later) he finally shows up and makes me walk for ages to find a cafe that’s still open. Despite the false start we still ended up getting along pretty well so we agreed to hang out again.

I should have taken a hint from the two hour delay that this person was useless at making plans, and because of this meeting up again never happened.

4. The We Are Clearly Not On The Same Page First


There was a time when I was young, naive, and had faith in humanity. I honestly believed that people asking you out meant that they genuinely wanted to spend time with you, get to know you, and maybe eventually form into a relationship. Haha, those were the days…

Now agreeing to meet up with someone in the middle of the day to grab a coffee doesn’t naturally lend itself to going back to someone’s house for sex. I felt like it was pretty safe to assume that if you want to see me in the middle of the day, that’s not what you’re looking for.

Clearly I’ve been wrong before.

Where I thought I was being taken out for the reasons aforementioned, it took meeting up at a club, a failed attempt at being sexted, and eventually an explicit ask for me to have sex with this person for me to take the hint… this guy wasn’t interested in dating. I repeat, I was young and naive back then.

5. The I’m Actually Taken First


Before anyone cries home-wrecker, this technically wasn’t a date. It was more of a walks like a date talks like a date situation. Also I needed to include this to reach 10. 

What started as me meeting up with a friend for birthday drinks ended up with me watching the sunrise on a ferry dock with some guy who I knew I couldn’t go home with. Eventually we parted ways, attempted to stay in contact ‘as friends’ (haha, good one) until a few weeks later I found myself blocked and deleted on all social media. First time for everything right?

6. The Extremely Awkward Beyond Belief First


Thank god for alcohol. If I hadn’t already been drinking for quite some time previously that night I don’t think I would have been able to survive the suffering caused by this date. This guy was a bit older than me, in fact older than what I’d usually go for but I agreed to give it a go because I figured it would mean he would be more mature than guys closer to my age.

Once again, I’ve been wrong before.

I don’t think I’ve ever had to put so much effort into holding running a conversation because this guy gave me nothing. I tried really hard to keep up the small talk but eventually it became too much so I decided I was tired and went home. Terrible 0/10

7. The Actually Really Good First


YAY! Finally! Too bad this guy ended up being a massive fuckboy! Dammit!

I should have picked up on this earlier but I was just so surprised by the fact this date was actually really enjoyable and I wasn’t rushing to get home like I was used to. Faith in humanity was temporarily restored!

8. The Drunk First


Now I’m pretty much always down for a drink, especially if I’m not paying for them. Totally cool if you want to have a couple before hanging out, I mean alcohol is expensive so why not pre-drink?

However turning up to a date completely wasted? Not cute. I don’t think I need to elaborate any further on this one.

9. The How Many Times Will We Match Before Going Out First


Pretty much as the title says, I managed to match with this same person multiple times on multiple dating apps, with the most recent match leading to him almost instantly sending me “lets just go get dinner already.” 

Dinner ended up being a couple of hours of not overly awkward small talk, which took an unexpected turn when he told me “you know, you’re meant to try and impress people on dates,” being the good sport I am led to me sarcastically replying “oh really, see I was just relying on my good looks.”

10. The Worst First


Part of my goals for 2017 – as cliché as it is – was to try to be more open to more people and opportunities as they come along instead of saying no all the time. Unfortunately this severely backfired on me when I agreed to meet this person for ice-cream late on a Monday night simply because we lived really close to each other.

Having to repeat what I was studying, the fact I worked casually, and that I’d gone home sick that day around 5 times each while this guy bragged about how rich he was (casually dropping that he owned a Chrysler and several investment properties) was already painful enough. However the icing on the cake was when he asked me about my tattoo on my leg. explained what it was and went to ask if he had any, which lead to the following conversation:

Him: “No, I don’t really approve of them, it’s an Italian thing”
Me: “That’s great, I’m also Italian and I have 4”
Him: “Oh well my mum doesn’t really approve of them”
Me: “Neither does my mum but that doesn’t stop me. I also have 7 piercings”
Him: “I just don’t really like them”

Amazingly enough after the longest 30 minutes of my life when I finally got out of there I received a message asking if I would see him again. HAHA, NOPE.

A Comprehensive List of Dos and Don’ts When Ending A Lease

So today marks the conclusion of my venture in the marvellous two story house that I have called home for the past 4 months.

The end of the lease made for 14 days of “where the heck am I going to live?” and “who the heck owns all this shit?”

Thus, for you, future and current tenants who may eventually reach the end your tenancy, I have created a comprehensive list of  Dos and Don’ts for ending a lease.


Don’t: End your lease (you’ve probably already screwed up this one)

Do: Hire a hitman to go after that one piece of trash housemate who isn’t paying their share in the arrears and other utilities and costs associated with ending a lease

Don’t: Live the dreams of your 14 year old emo self by going to the Panic! At The Disco concert the night before the bond cleaners are due to show up at 8am

Do: Pay your bond cleaners in cash to save money


Don’t: Leave food in the fridge for god knows how long and leave your poor innocent housemate to clean it out when you sell it off to some random on gumtree

Do: End your lease when you get the 3 months warning that its ending omg do not give yourself 2 weeks of hell wow who does that???

Don’t: Leave piles and piles of junk in the garage and just hope someone else will clean it out

Do: List everything you have no clue who the owner is of for free on gumtree your phone will be blowing up all day you’ll feel like a celebrity


Don’t: Trust real estate agents they’re not your “bro” or “pal”

Do: Try and steal organs off unsuspecting victims on Tinder

Don’t: Give all the spiders around your house names because it’ll only make leaving that much harder

Do: Take all of the unclaimed alcohol and have a goddamn party of one, you’ll need it


Don’t: Accidentally dye your hair black (just in general)

Do: Tell your neighbours dog you love them

Don’t: Spend two nights before you leave at an exclusive preview screening of “Hidden Figures” (which was really good by the way, go see it when it comes out)

Do: Sell your soul so someone else can do all the work for you