There she is, sitting there at a cafe no one’s actually heard of cause it’s so underground – probably called C8H10N4O2 (chemical compound for caffeine, because that’s hipster-geek). On her table, a vegan soy mocha frappe, in her hand a classic Penguin novel, probably ‘The Great Gatsby’. On her iPod classic, The Smiths are playing, with some other band you’ve probably never heard of. She’s got green hair and some sort of facial piercing and maybe a tattoo on her sternum which just the thought of brings back memories of your first boner as an 11-year-old.
And she is obviously PERFECT. I mean her vegan drink means she cares about animals, right? So she’s obviously loving. Her classic novel? An appreciation for REAL literature, not just trashy celebrity gossip magazines like most girls. Oh and The Smiths! Finally someone who appreciates AUTHENTIC MUSIC not the techno rubbish you hear on the radio these days. Her green hair and other modifications show she’s confident, sassy, and doesn’t care what other people think. And just by looking at her, you know she’s the one! She’s got a cool name too, like Ailish or Indigo or something, which, as you can imagine, flows so nicely with your last name.
It’s obvious just by staring at her from 10 metres away that you are destined to be together. Finally you’ve found her, your manic pixie dream girl. You muster up the courage to talk to her and seem to get along well enough – not that it’s a surprise cause you’re definitely soulmates – which leads to meeting up, hanging out, and getting to know each other.
This is where you find out the following:
– She was only drinking that vegan drink because she’s lactose intolerant, doesn’t actually care about animals and purposely runs over toads when she can.
– She was only reading The Great Gatsby because she thought Leonardo DiCaprio was really hot in the film, but gave up on the novel within the first few chapters.
– Her shelves are filled with copies of Vogue, Cosmo, and even the occasional Who magazine.
– Her favourite shows are Keeping Up With The Kardashians and Geordie Shore
– She knows one song by The Smiths. You guessed it, ‘There Is a Light That Never Goes Out’, which she only knows from 500 Days of Summer (which she thought Joseph Gordon-Levitt was really hot in).
– The rest of her iPod is filled with top 40 music.
– She woke up at 4am to buy Justin Bieber tickets only a few weeks ago.
– The hair? A mistake. She was trying to go blonde at home but mixed it all wrong and ended up with a green colour she never wanted to have.
– Her piercing was a dare from her best friend (who you simply can’t stand) and her tattoo… well turns out there is no sternum tattoo.
But wait a second? This isn’t the girl you fell in love with at C8H10N4O2? Is it? No that girl was cultured, she loved REAL art, and CARED about animals? Why does she shorten her gorgeous name Indigo, the same shade as her eyes, to the name Indi? This is clearly NOT the girl who you met at that cafe and you only have one option now but to bail. I mean how dare she not be exactly as you envisioned?
So tomorrow when you see Ailish sitting at C8H10N4O2 reading Catcher in The Rye with her steaming hot green tea, you’ll know this time around you’ve definitely found the one.